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Wednesday, May 5 12:00 PM EDT

Things Google Plans to Do with Their IPO Money

11. From this day forward, always get extra cheese on the pizza.
10. Hire staff to create Google in more silly languages like Klingon and French.
9. Hire hitmen to take care of all the bloggers involved in Google bombing.
8. Spend every last dime on keeping "Friends" on the air for one more season.
7. Buy t-shirts for everybody saying, "My company had an IPO and all I got were these lousy stock options worth $30,000,000."
6. Quit while they're ahead.
5. Use the really nice china, they save for when company comes over, every day.
4. You can't put a price on the profound good to mankind that is achieved by pissing off Bill Gates.
3. Pay marketing company 1.2 billion for 10 new words that rhyme with Google.
2. Stop using Froogle to buy their toner cartridges.
1. Prove once and for all that money really can buy happiness.

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