May 21 - June 21
Anisotropic filtering may be fascinating to you, but the 2nd graders at "Career Day" have no idea what you are talking about.
June 22 - July 22
Venus and Jupiter have aligned with Mars, and all would be right with the world were it not for the constant screams of despair emanating from your cubicle.
July 23 - Aug 22
While your friends have warned you to look out for Drop Bears and Hoop Snakes on your trip to Australia, the stars think you should also be wary of the very dangerous Drunken Russell Crowe.
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Unfortunately, you will discover that singing, "Down Under" by Men at Work doesn't hypnotize the deadly snakes of Australia like your friends on the discussion board suggested.
Sep 23 - Oct 23
You'll realize that maybe Web Interface Design isn't for you when you wake up the next morning in the emergency room with seizures.
Oct 24 - Nov 21
When you wish upon a star, it doesn't matter because Disney's not selling.
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Much to your dismay, the security workers at the airport won't get your "That's not a knife" joke, when you try to board the plane with a box cutter.
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Whoever said "A fool and his money are soon parted" has never met you, you ignorant greedy twit.
Jan 20 - Feb 18
The best way to be sure you have no cavities is to have no teeth. The chisel is in your toolbox.
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Leaving your website in the hands of your friends while you're away might not be such a great idea. These are the guys who trashed your apartment when you just ran downstairs to get your laundry.
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Ye ol' internationale Speaketh-Like-In-Ye-Olden-Days Day ist not a big hit amongst ye co-workers. Fleeth whilst ye canst.
Apr 20 - May 20
Telling your boss you're on break, because the network is down isn't going to work. Especially since you just weed whack.