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With the US election approaching soon, we thought we would take our proven scientific methods used previously in comparing video cards and operating systems, and apply them to the two major party candidates. Most election guides will waste your time comparing where the candidates stand on taxes or security, but at BBspot we put the candidates head to head on the issues that really matter. Here's our unbiased, scientific method for determining who you should vote for...
 Initials
Bush - GWB: Reminds me of a date rape drug.
Kerry - JFK: Reminds me of one of America's favorite Presidents.
Advantage - John Kerry
Web Server
Comparing the two campaigns web sites might give us some insight on the candidate's feelings about security and fiscal responsibility.
Bush - According to Netcraft georgewbush.com is running Microsoft IIS on a Microsoft Server 2004 box. At the time of doing this georgewbush.com was down. Kerry - According to Netcraft johnkerry.com is running Apache on a Red Hat Linux box.
Running a more secure server on a cheaper platform. This one is an easy choice...
Advantage - John Kerry
 Mascots
Bush/Republicans - An elephant never forgets
Kerry/Democrats - A donkey is an ass. Stubborn, smelly.
Advantage - George W. Bush
Google Fights
Now let's use Google to see who will make the best President...
"George W. Bush will raise my taxes" - 204,000 results
Vs.
"John Kerry will raise my taxes" - 201,000 results
(1-0 Kerry) Next...
"George W. Bush will reinstate the draft" - 30,000 results
Vs.
"John Kerry will reinstate the draft" - 34,900 results
(1-1) Next...
"George W Bush is a CEO loving facist neocon." - 614 results
Vs.
"John Kerry is a lawyer loving pinko commie." - 567 results (2-1 Kerry) Next...
"George W. Bush will help me get laid" - 212, 000 results
Vs.
"John Kerry will help me get laid" - 164,000 results
(2-2) Tiebreaker...
"George W. Bush will be the best President ever" - 1,310,000 results
Vs. "John Kerry will be the best President ever" - 1,100,000 results
Advantage - George W. Bush Coin Flip - Best of 7
Bush - Heads
Kerry - Tails
The first three flips came up heads for Bush, but then four straight tails for Kerry. The flips were made with a 1994 quarter.
Advantage - Kerry 4-3
Favorite Suit Color
Bush - Dark blue
Kerry - Dark blue
Advantage - Tie
Celebrity Lookalike
Bush - Alfred E. Neumann, the fictional mascot of Mad magazine famous for saying, "What me worry?"
Kerry - Lurch, the butler for the Addams Family famous for saying, "You rang?"
I prefer humor to creepiness, so this one I'll have to give to Bush.
Advantage - George W. Bush
Conclusions
Like most polls, this one ends in a tie. Looks like you'll have to make up your own mind.
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