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Friday, August 5 12:00 AM ET

Trailer Review: Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo

By Brian Briggs


Trailer Quicktime

Rob Schneider
Eddie Griffin

Director Mike Bigelow
Official Site Link
US Opening

August 12, 2005

Rated R
Genre Alleged Comedy
Explosions 1
Weapons Brick

Man Quotient


(Explosions + Weapons + Hot Babes - Kisses)/ Minutes

Voiceover Yes
Worst Line Impossible to determine
Déjà Vu
Pokemon Heroes
Spoilage Factor 0%
Geek Factor 0%
See Trailer? No
See Movie? No

This installment of Deuce Bigalow takes Deuce across the pond to Europe where the hijinks never end. From the trailer, this looks like an early contender for the Best Picture Oscar and Rob Schneider should be a shoo-in for Best Actor. Seriously, he does. Scout's honor.

You think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not. In fact, this could be the best movie in the history of American cinema. When AFI does their Top 100 films list again, this should supplant Citizen Kane.

OK, it won't. This could be the worst trailer ever released for the worst movie ever created. It's painful to watch. It was endorsed by the National Bulimia Society for its vomit-inducing "comedy."

Here are some of the "comedic" moments. A cat bites the Johnson of Eddie Griffin. Deuce throws a midget out the window. A dolphin rams a blind person into a buoy. A pimped out yacht bounces like a ghetto car. If any of that sounds funny to you, take yourself out of the gene pool now.

Pimp Boat
This would've been funny in 1973. Actually, it wouldn't.

One funny fact about this film is that the director's last name is Bigelow. OK, I admit that isn't funny, but trust me, it's funnier than this trailer. It's the first film Mr. Bigelow has directed. From this trailer, we can only hope it's his last.

I didn't laugh once during this trailer. I didn't even smile. I did consider writing my Representative to see if he could revoke Rob Schneider's citizenship, but I think this movie will end his career.

One bright spot of the trailer is when Rob Schneider dresses up in a big diaper with a bonnet and hilarity ensues. Actually, I lied again. It doesn't. It never does.

Rob Schneider humiliates himself for the sake of comedy. Actually, he just humiliates himself.

Conclusions on Trailer: You should not see this trailer under any circumstances. It is that bad. Don't say to yourself, "Brian, is just exaggerating. It can't be that bad." It is. Don't say to yourself, "I don’t trust Brian with all his lying in this review. I want to watch it myself to confirm what he's saying." Don't do that either. Think of the children.

Conclusion on Movie: This movie will devastate the economies of Europe. The average IQ of Americans will go down every time this movie is shown. There is no possibility that this movie will be funny, entertaining or prevent herpes. Stay away from it. Convince your friends and family to stay away from it. Picket the theaters showing the movie. Save the brain cells of the world's youth.

Not sure if you should believe me? Check out the Dysfunctional Family of Five reviews at DeadBrain.

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