Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Mental Floss
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Friday, January 20 12:00 AM ET

Trailer Review: Underworld: Evolution

By Brian Briggs


Trailer Quicktime

Kate Beckinsale
Scott Speedman

Director Len Wiseman
Official Site Link
US Opening

January 20, 2006

Rated R
Genre Vampire, Sequel
Explosions 5
Weapons Ax, teeth, handguns, knife, machine gun, sub-machine gun, fists-o'-fury, shoulder, shotgun, falling glass

Man Quotient


(Explosions + Weapons + Hot Babes - Kisses)/ Minutes

Voiceover Yes
Worst Moment Stylistic drop
Déjà Vu
The Fifth Element
Spoilage Factor 25%
Geek Factor 25%
See Trailer? No
See Movie? No

I complained in my review of Underworld that it borrowed too much from other movies. I hoped the creators had read my review and created an original trailer for the sequel. It didn't happen.

The trailer for Underworld: Evolution opens with the opening sequence to The Lord of the Rings. Galadriel does the voice-over of the history or the ring, oh wait, it's the history of vampires and werewolves. They even use the word "betrayed." I expected Gollum to pop up at any moment.

(Editor's note: I was watching the trailer and my son came up. He said, "What's that Lord of the Rings?" Case closed.)

Flash forward to the present. Gravelly voiced trailer man tells us about a powerful immortal returning. No, not Jesus, it's called Underworld: Evolution not Underworld: Intelligent Design. It's Marcus, the first true vampire, who was exiled over 300 years ago. Conveniently the star of the show is the one who exiled him.

He's making a new race neither vampire nor werewolf that both must unite to fight against (Underworld 2: United anybody?).

The hero perched over the city at night. How original.

"Vowing to release an unimaginable evil!" Except they imagined it and put it in the movie. This trailer doesn't use "In a world…" but it uses just about every other cliché. That many clichés should be a warning to all of you.

There's only one way to defeat the unimaginably-imagined evil. You must bring the girl to me! She then does her stylistic fall like she does in the first trailer. Must be her trademark move, the one she stole from The Matrix and countless other movies.

There's lots of jumping around, gunfire and clichéd voice-over. "The destruction of all mankind!" Puh-lease. Most of the action takes place in the darkened Underworld, so we can't make out the cheesy special effects.

Next starts the rock soundtrack and the montage of action shots. There's a healthy dose of hot women and making out too. They're following the trailer playbook step by step. Rock soundtrack. Check. Beautiful woman. Check. Explosions. Check. Let's show them the title and the release date so everyone can plan accordingly. This is the kind of trailer that The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trailer was making fun of.

Conclusion on Trailer: Kate Beckinsale is pretty, but that doesn't make up for a lackluster trailer. Only watch if you think she's hot.

Conclusion on Movie: Not sure why a sequel got made, but please avoid this one so I don't have to do a trailer review of Underworld 3: The Return of the King.

Not sure if you should believe me? Check out the Dysfunctional Family of Five reviews at DeadBrain.

More Trailer Reviews

Recommend This Story to a Friend

Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Amazon Find the BBook


  Politics Contact FAQs

Copyright 1999-2008 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a satire news and comedy source and meant to be funny. If you are easily offended, gullible or don't have a sense of humor we suggest you go elsewhere.