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Thursday, July 6 12:00 AM EDT

I ordered something online and when I got it I installed it in my computer, but it completely ruined everything. I phoned up the aquarium store to complain, but they weren't very helpful.

If the internet is "The Web" does that make us "The Flys?" because I don't want to have my insides liquefied and sucked out.

When people ask me for the address of my website, I like to give them a random pr0n site. That way, when they go there later, they will think I'm super sexy.

I think Linux should be more like windows; it should come on a CD with one of those cool holographs.

You shouldn't make fun of AOLers who ask stupid questions because they will never learn anything. Instead you should find out where they live and beat some sense into them, just like Dad used to do when I asked dumb questions, like "Can we get AOL?"

I went to a site that had an online petition to stop online petitions. I was going to submit my name, but I thought that would only encourage them.

When I was a kid I used to stay up all night playing computer games. Now that I'm older I still stay up playing computer games, but now I do it shitfaced.

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