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Wednesday, July 26 12:00 PM ET

Livin' in a Basement

By Francisco Rangel

(To the tune of "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi)

Once upon a time
Not so long ago

Tommy lives with his mom and dad
Living underground
The basement's his pad
It's dark, so dark
Playing World of Warcraft all day
Farming for that gold
To sell on eBay
For cash - hard cash

He knows the basement floods up
Each single spring
And you never know what ailments
All the rats there may bring
There's dust and fungi and slimy things
It's damp - but it's where he's king

Whooah, don't pay no rent
Whooah, livin' in a basement
Underground in a concrete encasement
Whooah, livin' in a basement

Tommy's skin is whiter than chalk
He flees from the sun
Won't go out to take a walk
He's pale, so pale
Don't know how long he plans to stay
When he snores in the night
Parents wish that he'd just go away, someday

He's got to sleep in
A tiny cot
And he's freezing in the winter
And in summer he's hot
But it's his bunker, it's what he's got
His home - he'll stay til he rots

Whooah, there's no replacement
Whooah, gamin' in a basement
PS2 with the Xbox adjacent
Whooah, livin' in a basement

His friends come over
For D&D
They have Mountain Dew
Fritos, and hot coffee

Whooah, it's got a strange scent
Whooah, livin' in a basement
Play Nethack with a cloak of displacement
Whooah, livin' in a basement

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