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Tuesday, July 18 12:00 AM EDT

Signs You're Not Superman

11. A speeding bullet kicked your ass on the 200-meter dash.
10. Your application to the Justice League was rejected.
9. Your X-Ray vision only enables you to see through glass.
8. You look pretty dorky in a cape.
7. Your home planet is still habitable, but your father sent you here anyway.
6. Instead of "It's a bird, it's a plane..." people say "What the fuck is that ugly thing?"
5. The armor piercing bullets rip through your flesh like a hot knife through butter.
4. When your therapist says "Lex," you say "-us"
3. Evil supervillains don't know your girlfriend or where she lives.
2. Exposure to Kryptonite only gives you a ringing in the ears.
1. The only way you got the pickle jar open was by smashing it with a hammer.

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