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Friday, August 18 12:00 AM EDT

When I was a teenager I used to go to the arcade and spend all my money on the hookers who hung out there.

Here's a tip: if you install two wireless cards in your machine, you can improve internet response times by stealing bandwidth from two neighbors simultaneously.

You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, I think you'll find most things on The Pirate Bay.

I remember when mobile phones were the size of large bricks. Now they're they size of much smaller, thinner bricks.

I went to a website the other day and I got a pop-up ad for a company that sells pop-up ads on the site I was visiting. I had to laugh at the irony or maybe I just forgot to take my medication again.

They say that there are more germs and bacteria on a computer keyboard than there are on the average toilet seat. What I want to know is why are people still sitting on their keyboards taking a crap when it's so filthy!

You can never tell where people have been, which is why you shouldn't put them in your mouth.

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