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Friday, September 15 12:00 AM EDT

Geek Horoscopes
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Horoscopes brought to you by an automated message system.

Aug 23 - Sep 22
Para su horóscopo en Español, marque dos.

Sep 23 - Oct 23
If you would like to hear your horoscope from one of our live operators please press 0 or hold on the line.

Oct 24 - Nov 21
To expedite your horoscope please use your touch tone keypad to enter your birth date followed by the pound sign. I'm sorry, that date is not recognized. Try again.

Nov 22 - Dec 21
If you want us to count Pluto in your planet position reading, please press 5.

Dec 22 - Jan 19
If you'd like to get your horoscope, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up, and then dial your psychic.

Jan 20 - Feb 18
You will find untold riches if you just <call disconnected>

Feb 19 - Mar 20
You will find yourself in an endless maze with no apparent exit. Even pressing 0 will not work.

Mar 21 - Apr 19
Did you say "Virgo?" If this is correct press 1. If not repeat your sign clearly.

Apr 20 - May 20
All current astrologers are currently helping other customers. To transfer to our automated horoscope line please press *3.

May 21 - June 21
Our horoscopes have all changed recently so please listen carefully to all your selections.

June 22 - July 22
Your horoscope may be recorded for quality control purposes and to verify its accuracy at a later date.

July 23 - Aug 22
Your horoscope is very important to us. Please remain holding on the line.

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