Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.
This e-mail is long and very poorly grammarized. I'll highlight the highlights for those who want to skim. It's a call for help for the Nigerian Billionaire...
Sent: Tuesday, January 30, 2007 10:11 PM
Subject: Nigeria Scam
Just wanted to let you know that I here recently was tryin to help a Mr.Anderson in this same very country and not having much money and trust that 10% of the money that I collected and sent to this country was to help them and the extra money sure would come in handy for me being left and 5 children to. Husband ran off with someone else and left me and five kids and a divorse on top of that.My house is going into forclosure and my trucking business had to shut down because I didn’t have the money to run it...And been married to this man for 14yrs and thought it was for ever guess nothing last forever....I am more concerned about losing my house and the horses that I saved and promised that I keep them to livve out their lives and well....I have trying to help this man in nigeria and thought and believed that this was my way out and well now my bank account got frozen for 1700.00 and bills are way over due and the utilities are on the verge of being shut off.....I guess when you are hurtin for money to survive on you would jump at a opportunity to help someone thinking that they are thinking the same for you too....But if you know of a list or someone who could help me out of a bind and help me moneywise to get my kids and I and my horse retirement farm I mean save it.....I have always helped other people out and gave freely now I guess it is my turn to ask as much as I hate too.I am not worried about myself I am worried about my kids and the horses I saved....So if you know of anyone that would be willing to help me out I would be forever in your debt....I also thought that you ought to know about these scams over there also and I have the police reports on this matter and the american express counterfeit money gift checks that I received I have one that I kept to use as proof to anyone that does not believe my story and the emails also......Please if you know of anyone or yourself that can help me or donate ......I am a real person that has a heart to and would help anyone if I could or can...Now I am asking .......Thank you and God Bless
So here's someone who got swindled by a Nigerian scammer, and here she is hoping somebody else in Nigeria can help her. I'm glad she told me about these scams. I never would have known. And now another for Esenam...
Sent: Monday, January 29, 2007 9:23 PM
Subject: Nigerian Philanthropist
After a careful review on the web on the Lagos, Nigeria billionaire Esenam Ayele who wants to share his millions with the rest of the world, but he's having trouble finding takers, I am available and very much in a financial crises now. Please can I get help from Ayele financially?
That must've been a very careful review!
Careful reviewers are also sending requests for help to his MySpace profile...
I am going to ask you for help and I hope you can in the
worst way. My husband & I built an auto repair shop in
oklahoma, that was 12 years ago. my husband got hurt
and had to recuperate for 6 weeks of surgery. Well, He
wasn't working so no money. So the bank is foreclosing on our shop and we stand to loose everything we built. we also have back medical bills and some back debts. But any help you could give us would be a god send.
you can reach me by my mobile phone xxx-xxx-xxxx
Thank you so much Nancy
I didn't get to the message for a couple days then got this...
DO YOU ANSWER YOUR EMAILS? PLEASE GIVE ME AN ANSWER ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.
I replied: "I'm sorry, but I no longer am able to give." I thought that would end it, but...
"May I ask why?"
Now here I could've made hundreds of clever and insulting replies, but I just chose: "Because I don't exist." That seemed to confuse her enough that I haven't heard back.
Esenam's MySpace profile isn't the only one generating BBelievers. The teenage girl posing as a Sony Music executive snagged one as well. This from a hopeful band trying to get an executives attention...
We hope all is well at Sony. Have a great week.
I was feeling a bit more cruel this day, so I replied: "Hi fellows. You've got a great sound. You have a great week too." This got them excited...
Thanks for the compliment, and if you're ever needing to sign someone we're definately interested. Take care.
To this I replied: "I was going to have Marge send over the contract, until I saw that you couldn't spell 'definitely.' Sorry guys you lost your chance."
OK, so I didn't send that. I'm not that mean.
We didn't get greenlit on Digg or Fark for our "peanut ban" story, but we did get a couple of comments from BBelievers...
Fark: Maybe it's me, but how can a SCHOOL DISTRICT make a law stating what can and can't be in a private home?
Digg: While I have great sympathy for anyone with a peanut allergy, I don't
think this is fair or enforceable. If the fear is so great it would be
better to isolate the few with the allergy. Home schooling would be a
good idea. That is much more practical than trying to restrict the
eating habits of the larger student population and their families.
Too bad the story didn't get wider linking, it would've been a BBeliever magnet.
The winner of this year's Geek Limerick contest has volunteered to write a weekly limerick for BBspot. I haven't decided where to put it yet, so this week's I'll put in the Mailbag...
YouTube says they'll be sharing a buck
With uploaders. Once this deal is struck,
Will we finally see
Vids of great quality,
Or ten million more that all suck?
That's all for this week!
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