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 Thirty seconds into this week's trailer I had a WTF moment. Watch it and see if you had the same thoughts.
Here's the setup in those thirty seconds. In 2008 a virus swept through Scotland. It spread so quickly and was so deadly that authorities sealed off the country from the rest of the world. Here are my questions. How can you completely isolate a country? How could the virus that spread so rapidly not escape Scotland? No infected person left the country? WTF?
Anyway, it's now twenty five years later. The virus has reemerged in London. The only hope lies back in Scotland. It's revealed that not everyone is dead there, which means there has to be a cure. Couldn't it just mean that there were people naturally immune to the virus? WTF?
A crack team of… well… I'm not exactly what they're a crack team of. You would think there'd be a scientist and some military dudes, but it's not explained. The crack team enters Scotland in an armored personnel carrier. They head to a lab hoping to find the cure, but they're attacked.
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| In the post-apocalyptic future, everyone will look like this. So say the movies. |
The survivors have set up a post-apocalyptic society which resembles every cliché you can think of in a post-apocalyptic society. It's a cross between Zion and the wastelands of The Road Warrior.
The survivors are pissed off. They've been shut off from the rest of the world for twenty five years, and that builds up a lot of resentment. They want to catch the crack team and eat them. Yes. After twenty five years of isolation, you become a cannibal.
At one point a character yells, "This is… our city." I'm sure you were expecting "Sparta" or at least "Thunderdome."
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I'm a serious actor. Seriously. |
Next we get an action montage, interspersed with a two-second close up of Rhona Mitra's butt. They aren't even hiding the reason she's been cast in the lead of this one. The shot says to me, "I can't act. I have no charming personality. But look at that ass!" I guess you have to work with what you have.
After some more action montages, we get to the product placement segment of the trailer. I'm sure Bentley paid a lot of money to get their car featured in the movie and the trailer. They focus on the Bentley logo almost as long as they focus on Mitra's butt.
And finally after some cliché action sequences we get to the climax of the Bentley plowing through an exploding bus. Seriously. It's like we're back in the 80's again. Vehicles explode just because you run into them. Haven't the Mythbusters disproven that one yet?
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Reviewinator |
| Trailer |
Quicktime |
| Starring |
Rhona Mitra
Bob Hoskins |
| Director |
Neil Marshall |
| Official Site |
Link |
| US Opening |
March 14, 2008 |
| Rated |
R |
| Run Time |
105 minutes |
| Genre |
Post-Apocalyptic |
| Explosions |
8 |
| Weapons |
Helicopter, chain gun, assault rifles, tanks, ax, fireballs, bat, mace, APV, swords, chainswaw, lead pipe, flying feet, pistol, gravity, Bentley, shovel |
| Man Quotient |
12.4
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Trailer
Déjà Vu |
Mad Max Beyond the Escape from New York Dome |
| Geek Factor |
47% |
| See Trailer? |
No |
| See Movie? |
No (verified) |
| Follow Up |
Here |
Fun with IMDb: From the executive producer of Reindeer Games, and the stars of How to Breed Gibbons…and Super Mario Bros. comes a film so unoriginal you'll wonder how it wasn't filmed in Hollywood.
Ending Prognostication: The movie will end with an ultimate showdown between Mitra and her chief antagonist. She'll emerge victorious and save humanity from the virus in the process. At that point I'll be looking at my watching wondering why I wasted my time on this movie.
Conclusion on Trailer: It's not terrible, but it doesn't make me want to go see the movie. I'm having WTF moments thirty seconds in, that's not a good sign. Skip the trailer unless you enjoy butts or Bentleys.
Conclusion on Movie: This one will suck and suck hard. The action sequences will be unbelievable, and clichéd. Instead of watching this, go rent The Road Warrior or Escape from New York instead.
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