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Tuesday, April 8 12:00 AM EDT

Reasons Yahoo Doesn't Want to Merge with Microsoft

11. Can't get yodeler to agree to deal.
10. Waiting until their online reputation matches AOL.
9. After outsourcing, afraid no one would understand the returned search results because of thick Indian accent.
8. Embarrassed about all the pirated copies of Windows on internal computers.
7. Microsoft insists on renaming it "Whoopee!"
6. Deal really in billions of Microsoft Points not dollars.
5. Scared that Borg implants would be painful.
4. Have to give up revenue generated from Google Adwords.
3. Yahoo mail wouldn't look good in Microsoft colors.
2. Microsoft doesn't use enough exclamation marks.
1. Yahoo! Office Therapist has informed that over 75% of employees have recurring nightmares involving Ballmer.

Story Options:

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