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Tuesday, May 20 12:00 AM EDT

Reasons to Not Take Your Spouse to a Superhero Movie*

11. You'll lose respect when she comments on how great Ben Affleck was in the movie.
10. She'll realize that the spandex isn't supposed to stretch that much.
9. She'll start digging into your secret identity, but only find your hidden porn stash.
8. She'll wonder that with all your technical skills, why you can't have the kind of setup that Tony Stark has.
7. She will not appreciate your comments on how the laws of physics are being completely ignored.
6. She'll realize all your classic one-liners aren't original.
5. She'll want you to take your mint-condition comic books out of their protective sleeves to read up more on the character's backstory.
4. For payback you'll have to see the next Julia Roberts movie.
3. Your version of the Batmobile will look much less impressive.
2. Awkward silence after she asks you if you'd do for her what the superhero did to save his love interest.
1. Money saved not buying her a ticket, put to better use expanding miniatures collection.

* "She" was used, but feel free to insert "he" when applicable.

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