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Tuesday, July 1 12:00 AM EDT

Reasons Bill Gates Really Retired from Microsoft

11. Wants to spend more time installing Windows Movie Maker.
10. Tired of having to apologize for Ballmer's pit stains at the board meetings.
9. Depressed about not being richest person in the world, couldn't work any more.
8. Now that Microsoft Bob is in version 3.0, the company is in good hands.
7. Too much spam at his Microsoft e-mail account, and too embarrassed to switch to Gmail while still employed.
6. Felt bad about Windows Vista, decided quitting was less painful than seppuku.
5. Wants to pursue a career in baseball, but will probably return in a couple of years.
4. Steve Jobs was going to go public with pictures from that one MacWorld encounter he'd rather forget.
3. Found Ballmer's naked ass prints on his office chair.
2. The Borg called, they need him.
1. Someone took his red Swingline stapler.

Story Options:

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