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Tuesday, September 23 12:00 AM EDT

Signs You Need a New Cell Phone

11. On average, one in every five calls will end in some sort of combustion.
10. Popl ar having a har tim unrstaning your txt mssags.
9. The '80s called and couldn't stop laughing.
8. It's got so much duct tape on it, it won't fit in your pocket anymore.
7. When you clip it to your belt, you can only walk in circles.
6. It uses 6 D-cell batteries.
5. Your current model is on display in the Museum of Electronic Antiquities.
4. Rotary dial clicking noise getting too loud.
3. Your current phone's text feature requires you to know Morse Code.
2. The display makes Mattell Football look high-def.
1. The volume adjustment consists of opening and closing louvres over the ear-horn.

Story Options:

This one goes to 11.

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