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Tuesday, June 23 12:00 AM EDT

Signs You've Been out of the Basement too Long

11. Spiders weaving "We miss you Brian" into their webs.
10. Skin drying out rapidly without moistening dankness of basement.
9. Geeks on the lawn protesting move have finished building their trebuchet.
8. Face fungus no longer hiding hideous scar on your chin.
7. Leg muscles have atrophied from no longer using stairs
6. Skin no longer translucent.
5. Morlocks have started considering you as a food source.
4. No longer C.H.U. D., now C.H.A.G.D.
3. You are no longer likely to be eaten by a grue.
2. Increase in email from people complaining that your webcam pics are uncomfortably bright.
1. You are starting to fear tornados again.

Story Options:

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