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Friday, June 26 12:00 AM ET

If Web Sites Were Movies

By Brian Briggs


With the Facebook story being turned into a movie, we thought it would be fun to turn other Web sites into movies. Here's what we came up with...


Director: Uwe Boll

Stars: Tila Tequila, Rob Schneider, Tara Reid

Plot: A rock band tries to make it big, but they ultimately learn that they just plain suck.

Gimmick: Ads interrupt the movie every two minutes.

Tagline: Sometimes dreams don't come true... because you suck.


Director: McG

Stars: Ashton Kutcher, Britney Spears, Shaq

Plot:Terrorists threaten to bring down the internet and our heroes must decipher tweets in time to save it. Based on a true story.

Gimmick:Scenes don't last more than 140 seconds.

Tagline: Last tweet wins.


Director: J. J. Abrams

Stars: Sandra Bullock, Shia LeBeouf, Jason Biggs

Plot: Explores the puppeteers of the technology world where only a few of the powerful determine what the rest of the world sees.  Shia and Sandra try to stop it but are ultimately crushed by the evil master played by Jason Biggs.

Gimmick: Audiences give thumbs up or thumbs down at end of movie. Votes tabulated using a secret formula and determine whether the director lives or dies.

Tagline: Only the popular will survive.


Director: Quentin Tarantino

Stars: Matthew Lillard, Matthew Perry, Will Ferrell dressed as a giant squirrel

Plot: A group of guys travels the globe heckling comedians, TV personalities and politicians. Lots of beer, babes and cliches.

Gimmick: Under 21 not admitted, must blow .1 or higher on breathalyzer to enter theater.

Tagline: It's not a movie, it's Fark.


Director: P.T. Anderson

Stars: Ron Paul, Megan Fox

Plot: A godless politician ascends to the presidency of the United States, but it's not the Utopia everyone expected. He opens up every decision for people to vote on via Internet poll. Disaster ensues.

Gimmick: Audience votes up or down on the upcoming scene.  Plot different every time, but a lot of scenes repeat.

Tagline: We film, you decide.


Director: The Wachowski Brothers

Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Al Gore

Plot: A colossal computer network becomes sentient and decides it's had enough of answering mankind's questions. Begins to kill off the population with bad directions and dangerous medical advice.

Gimmick: Entire movie staged in front of a plain white background.

Tagline: Do no evil? Fuck that!


Director: Judd Apatow

Stars: Anthony Michael Hall, Stephen Colbert, Brad Pitt

Plot: Satirist has the power to make everyone believe anything he writes. He uses it to shape the world how he'd like to see it, but it leads to a journey of self-discovery and fart jokes..

Gimmick: Filmed entirely in a basement.

Tagline: I want to BBelieve.

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