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Tuesday, January 12, 12:00 AM EDT

Signs Your New Year's Resolution Has Failed

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11. Already received rejection letter from NASA on your proposal to blow up the Moon.
10. Wil Wheaton renews his restraining order.
9. Package from eBay just arrived.
8. You set off smoke detectors just by walking into the room.
7. You've already reached your 100 GB download limit with your ISP.
6. Received email receipt from paypal for WoW subscription.
5. Able to lift house after filling discarded Dorito bags with helium.
4. Still a virgin.
3. You're reading this.
2. Harry Potter fan fiction story released with previously unused sexual coupling combination before you publish yours.
1. Someone else already killed Hitler.

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This one goes to 11.

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