Friday, February 12 12:00 AM ET

Trailer Review: Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

By Brian Briggs follow me on Twitter or Google Buzz

This week I review the latest Harry Potter movie called Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. Wait, that can't be right. Oh, my kids just informed me that it's not a Harry Potter movie at all. Very weird.

If you've read the book of the same name, you know what the movie is going to be about so no surprises will be ruined for you. If you haven't read the book but have seen a movie, you know what the movie is going to be about so the trailer will not ruin it for you. If you haven't read a book or seen a movie, then this trailer will be too scary for you, don't watch it.

The trailer opens with Percy Jackson (the worst name for a superhero since Oswald Stumphumper) relaxing at the bottom of a pool. When he comes up for air, he asks a friend how long he was down there. The friend tells him seven minutes, neither seems appropriately freaked out by this inhuman breath holding (David Blaine is not human).

The Pen of Destiny

Next, Percy Jackson and his classmates visit a museum where Pierce Brosnan, reprising his role as Robinson Crusoe, explains all about Zeus, Poseidon and Hades. After a quick iPhone product placement (in the trailer?!?) we learn that the gods got themselves some human action and had demigod children. I think you know where this is headed.

A teacher asks Percy to come to the back room for a bit of hanky-panky, but it turns out the hanky-panky is that she turns into an evil harpy and tries to kill him. Not quite what a teenage boy is looking for.

It's at this point that Percy learns that he's one of these demigods (SURPRISE) and that the gods are real. His father is Poseidon (SURPRISE).

Zeus, played by Sean Bean, can't find his bolt, which just happens to be the most powerful weapon ever created. He thinks it's been stolen, and if it's not returned by the summer solstice, there's going to be a war.

Being a demigod does have its perks.

Next the sassy female love interest gets introduced. She has "strong feelings" for Percy, but isn't so sure about dating someone named Percy. She has skills with the sword, if you know what I mean, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. By that I mean she is trained in sword fighting.

These demigod kids face a variety of challenges that test their skills. Looks like there's a hydra, a run in with Medusa, some guy that shoots lightning. Pierce gives Percy a powerful weapon. "It's a pen. It's a pen," Percy says. Ah, but it's a magic pen that turns into a sword. Thanks for ruining that for us people.

We even get a glimpse of the final showdown with the bad guy. He mocks Percy as "no son of Poseidon." Then Percy says, "Oh no you didn't" with an appropriate finger wag. "Boy, you about to get drowneded," and voila there's a giant plumes of water at Percy's command. Percy exclaims, "This shit just got real," which is ironic because it's totally not.

Ending Prognostication: (SURPRISE) Percy saves the day.

Fun with IMDb: From the director of Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone (no shit, really?), comes a movie with the stars from The Adventures of Pluto Nash and The Sausage Factory.

Conclusion on Trailer: This trailer gives too much away about the plot, but it's not the kind of plot where you don't know the end anyway. It looks a lot like Harry Potter, but Harry Potter isn't so bad. I'd recommend at least watching the trailer.

Conclusion on Movie: I wasn't going to recommend this movie, but when I saw that Joe Pantoliano was in it that changed my mind. This movie is the must-see movie of the weekend.