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Tuesday, March 2 12:00 AM EDT

Top 11 Ways Geeks Would Lower Health Care Costs

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11. Let doctors and scientists do whatever experiments they want with genes, medicines, humans, animals. Either mutants will destroy the world or cancer will be cured.
10. Invest heavily in ergonomic design technology for computer peripherals.
9. Require a minimum amount of caffeine per day. Those whose hearts explode don't deserve to live anyway.
8. Kill All Humans.
7. Force all stores to have an online-ordering and delivery service to reduce risk of car accidents.
6. Begin total cyborg conversion process for all citizens.
5. Set a minimum IQ level for new Life Continuance licenses.
4. Force emergency room doctors to use saving throws to determine who has a chance to live.
3. Public service ads on the rules of surviving the coming zombie apocalypse
2. Require eye protection before engaging in lightsaber battles.
1. Encourage an active lifestyle by giving everyone an Xbox 360 and a Project Natal controller.

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