Austin, TX - George W. Bush announced today that his Fraternity
Keg Tax Relief program will "simplimify" the tax code for
our nation's college students. "My plan is an across the
board reduction in the Keg Tax, which will make the keg purchasing
process more affordamable and less complimicated than my opponents
Gore said, "My opponents Keg Tax Relief program will benefit
the richest of the fraternities the most while my plan will target
the middle class fraternities and give them the most relief. Under
my plan for each pony keg, half barrel or full barrel they buy, the
government will pitch in with matching funds for another keg for
the poorest of the fraternities. While the richest of the rich
will only get a case."
"Of course my plan helps the richest fraternities the most. They
buy the most beer, shouldn't they get the most relief. I'm not going
to pick and choose which fraternities will get Keg Tax relief like
my opponent, they all will," Bush responded.
On campus the talk was of discrimination by both candidates. "Once
again both candidates are pandering to special interests. I
don't hear any talk about relief for students who aren't in fraternities,
we buy kegs too," said Rutgers freshman Vance Farlow.
Many political pundits argue that at a cost of $1 trillion dollars
both the Bush and Gore plans are too expensive to support, and would
require money being taken from the Social Security trust fund. Brent
Ausmus from Delta Tau Delta said, "Beer now or Social Security
later? The choice is clear."
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