Toledo, OH – The recent news of UFOs over the United States has many residents worried about the origins of these objects and the dangers they pose. Figrrzz Xyxxizq from Pharvis 5G6 said it’s just his people messing with us.
“Chillax,” said Xyxxizq. “We’ve been living among you for 75 years, and you hardly notice us. The invasion force isn’t going to be here for another century when most of you will already be expired. These so-called UFOs are just some of our younglings having some fun.”
Xyxxizq said that humans have nothing to fear from his people. “We need to clean up the environment. We need to fight climate change. The death of millions of humans because of these preventable issues will lower the nutritional value of the planet for our species, and make the 200 light-year trip a waste.”
Despite the pleas for calm from Xyxxizq many are still concerned. Mabel Beltran of Toledo, “We all know that you can’t believe anything that an alien has to say. It’s just a smokescreen by the government to distract us from the fact that 5G towers are spreading the CoVid.”
Military officials deny any alien origin of the UFOs and suspect they are surveillance aircraft from foreign powers. Also, that 5G towers are secretly spreading the vaccine and not the virus itself. “We have sources inside the alien community that say these objects are of terrestrial origin, and that it’s just some kids playing,” said General Thomas Burlington. “They’ve built these UFOs here in American factories with American workers and with American materials. There’s no cause for concern.”