Mar 21 – Apr 19
Good news Aries, your worries about being replaced by AI are groundless. Bad news, it’s because even AI wouldn’t want to do your job.
Apr 20 – May 20
Taurus, this week you may find yourself feeling uninspired and uncreative. But who needs creativity when you can just copy and paste someone else’s work, am I right?.
May 21 – June 21
This week, Gemini, your indecisiveness may reach new heights. But don’t worry, just flip a coin and let fate decide. It’s not like you have any control over your own life anyway.
June 22 – July 22
Your Steam Deck will come in handy this week when you have to endure lots of speeches at your mom’s funeral.
July 23 – Aug 22
Don’t worry about all the people de-friending you on social media. You only have a few days to live anyway. Oops, I don’t think I was supposed to say that, never mind.
Aug 23 – Sep 22
This week, Virgo, your perfectionism may be your downfall. Remember, done is better than perfect. Unless you’re a brain surgeon, in which case, carry on.
Sep 23 – Oct 23
You’ll continue to deal with imposter syndrome at your work this week. You probably should stop dressing up as Keanu Reeves.
Oct 24 – Nov 21
Scorpio, it’s your lucky week! Oh, wait, I didn’t finish reading the stars. It’s lucky for every other Scorpio except you. Sorry.
Nov 22 – Dec 21
The stars say not to calculate how much money you’ve spent on Steam for games you have never played. The world can only take so much sorrow.
Dec 22 – Jan 19
There’s no shame in playing games on easy settings, or looking up tips on the Internet. I mean, I’m not a loser like that, but you do you.
Jan 20 – Feb 18
You’ll spend many hours this week arguing over which franchise between Marvel, Star Wars and Star Trek has the worst streaming shows.
Feb 19 – Mar 20
It appears that your horoscope has been intercepted by foreign adversaries. Continue to scroll Reddit to find direction for your life this week.