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Tuesday, August 6 12:01 AM EST

World Bank Announces Special 0% Financing

By Barry Mitchell

In light of the difficult economic times many of the world's nations are experiencing, the World Bank announced today that it is taking a cue from the American automobile industry and announced special 0% financing on all loans for qualified applicants.

"Similar special deals have helped GM, Ford, and Chrysler keep afloat over the past year," said World Bank spokeswoman Frieda Alpenhauser, "so we thought bringing these deals to ailing nations of the third world would similarly help them continue to spend and keep the industrialized nations afloat."

"But don't wait," she added. "These deals are for a limited time only."

Uruguay Presidential spokesperson Luis Fernandez applauded the move by the World Bank. "We were going to default on our loans anyway. The President hopes he'll qualify for the limited time offer."

When asked what the President of Uruguay plans to do with the loan from the World Bank, Fernandez replied, "Possibly buy some Cadillacs for his cabinet members, or get that new Lockheed jet he was looking at."

Bernard Cole, head of Media Relations for the American Automobile Manufacturers trade group also approved of the World Bank's move. "Prior to this, we could only extend these great deals to the American public, and trying to get them to give our corporate heads more cash in this kind of economy is pretty difficult. But now, through the World Bank, we'll be able to fill orders to countries who haven't had this kind of opportunity since their dictators first raided their country's coffers 15 or 20 years ago."

"This kind of spending could help make more jobs for American Auto workers," Cole said. "Or at least more money for our executives. And, you know, that whole trickle-down thing and all."

Details of the loan qualifications were not available at press time, but reportedly flexible loans were already being offered to nations in need. One World Bank source overheard talking to a central African nation was reported to ask, "Well, Nigeria, what will it take to get you into this loan for a new Exxon oil refinery today?"

Some critics claim the World Bank's loans are too little too late for nations in crisis, like Argentina which defaulted on over $140 Billion in public debt last year. They also say that the loans contain unfair restrictions, being tied to purchases of goods from corporations in industrialized nations. World Bank, EU and American officials call the criticism "political propaganda from dirty communists" and dismissed the allegations that the World Bank and IMF exist to prop up the establishment.

"Studies show that the more people spend, the better they feel. We're just trying to extend that good feeling to the nations who are most in need," Washington D.C. World Bank office director Jack Holden said.

"And what are they going to spend that money on anyway, besides products from us? Are they going to want a fleet of three-cylinder cars from the old soviet bloc, or 200 Ford Expeditions with leather interior? Which would you rather have?"

Jose Vargas, a taxi cab driver in Buenos Ares, Argentina replied, "I'd rather have some food for my children," before being beaten down by police in riot gear for his disorderly conduct.

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