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Tuesday, April 1 12:01 AM EST

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.

Awesome News

I'm not one for hyperbole, but I have to say that the message that follows is the...
Best. Email. Ever.

From: Peter Jackson []
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 8:46 PM
Subject: Jar-Jaromir

One of my production assistants sent me your story about the new character in The Return of the King, Jar-Jaromir. I have to say that I found it absolutely hilarious. I want to let you know that all the cast and crew love it.

While I can't put Jar-Jaromir in the film, we would like to create a scene for the DVD extras for the Return release. I'm having my people talk to Lucas, but I don't think there will be a problem with that. We are sending over some documents for you to take a look at as well.

Thanks for the laugh.


I'm still speechless.

Not-So-Awesome News

Now take a ride on the BBspot rollercoaster as unbelievable good news is followed by threats of a lawsuit from a company that has a lot of money to spend on lawyers...

From: Karl Franks []
Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2003 8:45 AM
Subject: Operation Red, White and Blue Screen of Death

Dear Mr. Briggs,

Your story located at is full of untruths about the Microsoft Corporation. Including:

    • Microsoft has never offered free copies of Windows 95.
    • Microsoft has never modified the license allowing unlimited copying of Windows 95.
    • Microsoft has no VP of Marketing named Marie Bixby.
    • Apple's Quicktime or the RealOne player would do much more to damage Iraqi computers than Windows 95.

As a legal representative of the company we ask that you remove the story immediately, or at least remove all references to Microsoft from the story. You have 48 hours to comply with our request. Thank you.

Karl Franks
Lead Counsel
Microsoft Corporation

Damn, I hope he doesn't surf around the site very much, or else I could lose half of my stories.


Not everyone who gets fooled by BBspot stories has an AOL account...

From: Debbie Stabenow []
Sent: Sunday, March 30, 2003 10:24 AM
Subject: Michigan Senators

I want to thank you for sending me your story about recent legislation which just passed. As the junior Senator from Michigan I can state that your story is fraught with inaccuracies.

There is no Senator Vern Hamilton from Michigan. Vern Hamilton is a Senator from Nevada, where I might add, prostitution is legal. Also, after poring over the Senate record I was unable to find this legislation which you cite.

I suggest you receive your news from a more reliable source.

Senator Debbie Stabenow

This one is definitely going to be framed.

And now for a real mind bender. This cynical reader doesn't believe the emails I get from people believing BBspot stories...

From: Nairb Sggirb []
Sent: Monday, March 31, 2003 10:39 AM
Subject: Mailbag


I have serious doubts about the emails you post in your Mailbag feature. What kind of fools do you think we are out here? Anyone dumb enough to believe the stories you write certainly hasn't advanced enough intellectually to be able to operate a computer, let alone write and send an e-mail.

Furthermore, I think it shows disrespect to your loyal readers that you try to trick us with these fabricated messages you create. I appreciate your effort at creating false personas, fake email addresses and even realistic misspellings, but really I think your time should be better spent writing more satire articles instead of these shitty fake emails.

Seriously, if you do it one more FUCKING time, I'm going to stop reading BBSpot FOREVER.

BTW great job on the redesign, and when are we going to see more Fuzzy Logics?


I hate to break it to Nairb, but all the messages I've posted in the Mailbag section have been authentic emails from readers...

Except for this time. If you haven't figured it out already then - APRIL FOOLS.

That's all for this week. Thanks.

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