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Wednesday, April 9 12:01 AM EST

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.

More April Fooled

One danger in posting emails in the Mailbag is that people might start intentionally crafting emails to try to get published....

From: James []
Sent: Wednesday, April 02, 2003 3:55 PM
Subject: Re: April fools

On Wed, 02 Apr 2003 12:49:33 -0800, James Luke <>

> I bow down to you as my god. This is the best April Fool's prank I have
> EVER heard (the fake mailbag) I actually believed it. Nice one. :D

I did not give you enough praise. It sinks in just now. You officially
created THE BEST (really!) April fools prank ever. Even the most cynical,
and we're-not-gonna-get-fooled sort of people got caught by it. YOU ARE

Not sure if I believe the sincerity of this one, but I can't argue with his honesty.

Surprisingly, even people down under have a sense of humor...

From: Ian []
Sent: Wednesday, April 02, 2003 9:17 PM
Subject: Peter Jackson

G'Day Brian,

You may be aware that Downunder we use the term "bastard" as a
term of endearment, but in your case I'm prepared to make an

It's been years since I've been successfully April fooled....

Yeah, right. I'm going to go to Australia and call everyone bastards and probably get my butt kicked. I'm not falling for that one.


Now the next emails came in as pairs. The first email would congratulate me. The second wasn't always so friendly...

From: xxxxxx []
Sent: Wednesday, April 02, 2003 2:02 AM
Subject: Are your stories true?

Dear Sir,

I just read your article, "Microsoft, Military Announce Operation Red, White and Blue Screen of Death", and I thought it was quite humorous. Is it really true?

I wonder if the BBC or CNN get as many messages doubting the veracity of their stories?

From: Daniel []
Sent: Friday, April 04, 2003 3:59 PM
Subject: Joke?

This is a joke, right?!?!

It's difficult to separate fact from fiction anymore. So before I'd laugh,
but now I have to ask.

At least they are teaching the kids to think critically at PSU these days.

Complaint Department

Not every email I get is humorous or full of praise. The following is a good example. This is about the fourth message I've gotten on this topic, so I thought I'd address it here...

From: Charlotte []
Sent: Thursday, April 03, 2003 3:42 PM
Subject: Which OS are you

I was deeply upset to see how targeted this quiz was towards males, I dont
wear black tie and tails often nor are all my co-worker's male.

Can you please make your quizzes more open minded in future.

I think before she questions my open mindedness she should take a look at this story. You can't get much more open minded than that! But seriously, I know the quiz was targeted at males. Over 80% of the BBspot audience is male. I did try to make some of the questions non-gender specific, but they sounded awkward. Sure, with more work I could've done better, but I'm a close minded, lazy man and you can't expect me to do that - FOR FREE!

Now for somebody that agrees with me...

From: Richard []
Sent: Tuesday, March 25, 2003 8:46 PM
To: Brian
Cc: ''
Subject: RE: Uruk-hai protest brewing

What a wonderful piece! Thanks for bringing it to my attention. I'm still chuckling -- its very clever.

This guy Brian has it all right. I told you! I told you this was a problem, and you, wearing your hobbit-colored-spectacles only see the Uruk-Hai as evil. At last there is some clear, unbiased reporting on what has obviously been a sore spot for me for these many months.

My hat is off to Brian Briggs, a proper thinking person, who also sees the warm and compassionate side of the Uruk-Hai.

Perhaps I should re-run my own photo proof that the Uruk-Hai are just plain old folks, such as my buddy Lurtz, now busy working on a range of DOE clean energy projects, attached.

I personally think prejudice is horrible in any form, and was so pleased to see that at least one other shares my sympathy for the hugely improper portrayal of these simple folk in that horrid movie series.

Future BBspot Writer

From: Robert Lendvai [mailto:xxxxxx@Dartmouth.ORG]
Sent: Friday, March 21, 2003 11:51 AM
Subject: Saddam Body Double Looks to Defect

Saddam Body Double Looks to Defect
by Robert Lendvai

Washington D.C. – One of Saddam’s body doubles has asked the United States government for asylum, according to senior White House sources.

The bizarre phone call on Wednesday evening took White House phone operators by surprise, when a man identified himself as “double Saddam” and frantically screamed “Talk little Bush now! This not Saddam, not Saddam! Me Saddam is very big lie! Very big lie!” into the receiver. Saddam was connected to Donald Rumsfeld directly and a brief conversation followed, the sources said.

American intelligence is still trying to determine if the call came from one of Saddam’s three known body doubles or, in fact, Saddam himself. Especially puzzling is the fact that the caller asked for asylum not only for “double Saddam” himself, but also for Saddam’s sons, referred to as “double Uday” and “double Qusay.”

Last night, intelligence officials were formulating a response, even as calls from “double Tariq Aziz,” “double General Amir al-Sadi” and other “doubles” of the Iraqi leadership lit up the White House switchboard.

That's all for this week. Thanks.

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