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Tuesday,  October 14 12:01 AM EST

Ask The Spammer

By The Spammer

Dear Spammer,
I was laid off six months ago from my programming job. I've been doing some freelance projects to make ends meet, but my savings is running out. I don't have any other marketable skills other than programming. Any suggestions how I could improve my chances of landing a permanent job before I end up living in a box?
-Desperate in Denver

Dear DiD,
Sounds like you need a U.N.I.V.E.R.S.I.T.Y. D1PL0MA. ImpH0ve your 1ife, with incrgasing y0ur ezrning p0wXr fr0m a dip1oma within days from a n0n-accredited univeWsity based on 1ife exptrience.

Ca11 anytAme inc1uding ho1idays and Sunpays. Employers rarely care if you're U.N.I.V.E.R.S.I.T.Y. is accredited, or if you can spell days of the weak.

If more education won't help. Why not try VICODIN without a prescription? With VICODIN, not having a job won't seem so bad.
- The Spammer

Dear Spammer,
Dude, I buy beer for the Delts here at U of A, and after every party we always have leftover beer. We don't want to waste good brew, but we gotta return the kegs by 11 the next day or forfeit our deposit. What can we do to save this precious juice?
-Lushes in Little Rock

Dear Lushes,
I have the answer! Our barely legal teens are insatiable. They guzzle it down and beg for more! Not a drop of your precious juice will be wasted. Your brothers will be completely satisfied when these hot honeys get their lips on your spigots. They'll suck your barrels dry. You won't be disappointed, guaranteed!
- The Spammer

Dear Spammer,
I'm 14 years old, and not very popular. I had to give a speech in front of my English class last week. I think it was because of my nervousness, but in the middle of the speech I starting sporting wood. Some of the jocks started pointing and laughing at me. I ran out of class. I had to wait in the bathroom for half an hour before I could go back to class. I know it's natural for teenage boys like me, but still I've never been so embarrassed in my life. I don't think I'll ever get over it. What can I do?
-Hard Up

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Dear Woody,
I'd be embarrassed too if I could only keep an erection for half an hour. Stay ROCK HARD for days with our new herbal Viagra. Best of all there's no doctor's appointments or prescriptions necessary. It's guaranteed to add three inches to your man meat, so it won't be just the jocks that notice your bulge. Embarrassment will be just a memory, as the girls drool when you walk down the hall.
- The Spammer

If you have a question for The Spammer send it to the_spammer

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