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Tuesday,  October 21 12:01 AM EST

Ask The Spammer

By The Spammer

Dear Spammer,
i like scrambled eggs, but i whenever i cook them myself they're either to runny, or burnt. i've tried many different methods of cooking, but none seem to work. I've run out of ideas please help

Dear "Dan",
Have you heard of Bio-Terrorism? Bio-Terrorism is most likely the reason you are having problems with your eggs. Since you are a victim of Bio-Terrorism you can't miss the Bio-Terrorism Stock Alert. It features only companies that are poised for RAPID Growth!

Companies like EGGF who are first to market with patented Anti-Bio-Terrorism Eggs that cook perfect every time. A $5,000 investment in Microsoft at the same stage that EGGF is in now is worth $400 billion, $400 billion invested in lottery tickets could be worth $250 million like OPRAH! You don't want to miss this opportunity.
- The Spammer

Dear Spammer,
I'm a Junior in high school. My girlfriend finally has decided to "go all the way" with me.

But I have a "small" problem. Whenever I undress in the locker room all the other guys point at my small package and laugh. What am I going to do when my girlfriend finally sees it? Please help!
-Hoping for Hugeness in NYC

Dear Hugeness,
For your girlfriend's sake, I hope you aren't walking around the locker room with a ROCK HARD "package." If you're not then you shouldn't worry. Your johnson can expand over 6,000 times its flaccid size when you *;enh`ance ,yo-u,r *RO'D:` with our money back guaranteed system. If you are parading around the locker room fully erect than your girlfriend may be in for more surprises than you think.
- The Spammer

Dear Spammer,
When we first got married, my wife and I had a great time in bed. Now she doesn't want to try anything new, and we stick with the same position every time. I'd like to add some more spice to my marriage, but I don't want to cause an argument. How can I do this?
-Tired of Missionaries in Dallas

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Dear Tired,
I can get you the top positions on Yahoo!, Google and MSN. GUARANTEED. Just pick a keyword and you'll be satisfied with the results. You want doggy-style? #1 guaranteed. You want tripod? #1 guaranteed. You want sixty-nine? Can't do that, only #1 guaranteed.
- The Spammer

If you have a question for The Spammer send it to the_spammer

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