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Monday, October 6 12:01 EST

New Marketing Automaton
Passes Turing Test

By Don Mowbray

Santa Clara, CA - TechnoBabel Solutions announced today the debut of a new software tool designed to streamline the production of technical marketing webcasts on the Internet.

According to the company's press release, audience surveys suggest that Jargon Jockey (tm) software automatically produces first-class presentations that are indistinguishable from the traditional avalanche of buzzwords, marketspeak, and tech-neologisms that historically have needed hordes of human marketeers to create.

"The heart of the software is a Perl script running off multiple real-time RSS feeds," says product manager Geoff Wilson. "It scans CNET and InfoWorld for the latest trends and lingo to aggressively drill down to your selling sweet spot and dynamically visioneer your product launches and upgrades. It even has a Slashdot option for the
OSS-inclined."

The automaton's ability to mimic traditional marketing literature amazed many engineers. "'Microwarez Workshop empowers your team to spurn the churn and grok the SLOC.' What the heck is that supposed to mean?" complained one puzzled engineer. "Any developer worth their weight in punch cards knows that software lines of code is a meaningless metric. What kind of paradigm shift are they smoking?"

"My god, Jargon Jockey is like ELIZA on crack," complained another developer who endured a recent presentation. "I can't tell if it's a human marketroid or an automated one. You'll have to excuse me, but my brain hurts."

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Based on the early success of Jargon Jockey, TechnoBabel intends to branch out into adjacent markets as well. Company executives intimated that they are rolling out software that automates the roles of midlevel managers. "It'll be simple --- Techno Toady (tm) computes the minimum number of layoffs needed in a manner that is proportional to your company's decline in stock price," beamed Wilson. "You set the constant of proportionality, and our software takes care of the rest."

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