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Monday, February 16 12:00 AM EST

Area Matron Prefers World Wide Web to Internet

By Cody James

Mukwonago, WI - Gladys Pulaski, 62-year-old homemaker and online enthusiast, stated that she "strongly prefers" the World Wide Web to the Internet.

Area Matron"Just about everything online these days starts with 'www,' which stands for World Wide Web," she said. "I hear talk about Internet-this and Internet-that, but everything I need is right here on the Web. I even use Web mail because it's free. Can the same be said about Internet mail? I doubt it."

Ubiquity and ease of use are not the only reasons for Mrs. Pulaski's preference. She claims that online pornography, often referred to as "Internet porn" is one of the main reasons she eschews the Internet for the Web. "I've had some questionable things pop up on the Web after [husband] Earl's used it, but when I asked him he said it must be coming over from the Internet somehow," she said. “I don't subscribe to the Internet, so I don't see how it could've gotten there, but he was an engineer, so I guess he would know."

"I've explained this to her ad nauseam but it never sinks in," said systems analyst Rick Pulaski, Gladys' oldest son. "I'm like, 'Mom, the World Wide Web and the Internet are not competing products. The Web rides on the infrastructure of the Internet.' She just laughs, as if I am trying to trick her or something and says she 'doesn't know anyone who uses the Internet.' I might as well speak Portuguese."

Mrs. Pulaski's preference for the Web grew even stronger recently when she decided to visit and "see what all the hype was about."

She was underwhelmed.

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"You'd think the Internet would have some fancy Web site. It's nice, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't make me want to run out and get a subscription to it. I didn't even see any 'Subscribe to the Internet' banner ads, which seemed strange. Maybe the Internet got hit by the recession and they can't advertise as much."

Samantha Bryant, Pulaski's daughter, feels that her mother's enthusiasm is harmless, albeit misdirected. "She drives Rick crazy, but I see no reason to steal her thunder. A few weeks ago, Rick got into it with her at Dad's birthday party and at one point, she tells everyone to be quiet and says, ‘Everyone who likes the Internet better than the World Wide Web raise their hands!' Of course, everyone was trying either not to laugh or to figure out what the hell she was saying, but she just stuck out her tongue at Rick and said, 'Case closed.' He looked like he wanted to strangle her."

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