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Friday, March 26 12:00 AM EST

Historical Site Lacks Flash,
Complain Students

By Michael Kurz

Hodgenville, KY – On a recent field trip by Springfield sixth graders to Lincoln Homestead State Park, many students complained the historical site failed to meet any of their expectations and should have utilized more Flash.

"The field trip began without incident," explained teacher Meredith Spencer, 42. "Most of the students were excited and some even asked if they would be allowed to download images to show their parents. I assumed that they wanted to take photos of the monument and the log cabin, so I told them that they could."

Spencer added that she did not suspect anything was out of order when students used the term download. "I've been teaching for 20 years," she told The Daily Bull, "and I've had to put up with all sorts of lingo. Cowabunga, havin' a roni, whatchoo' talkin' 'bout, suck it... I've heard it all. The little buggers are always talking gibberish about their Poke-balls smelling what their Turtle-power is cooking, so I usually ignore it."

Student Timmy Bonds was eager to offer his critique of the historical site on reaching their destination. "If you think Geocities is bad, man, check out this dump," he said of the national monument. "I mean, it took about a million years for this site to load, and we had to walk up three flights of stairs. So much for swift and easy navigation. They need higher bandwidth, and they should fire the guy who designed this site. He sucks."

"I don't know why anyone would want to visit this site. Where's the interactivity? Where's the fancy menu? Where's the Flash? There should be a game where you can have Lincoln drink alcohol and make lewd passes at women in bikinis." Several of Bonds' classmates echoed similar sentiments, complaining of issues such as excessive horizontal scrolling in the exhibits and ill-contrasting color schemes. One of the major concerns expressed by Bonds was the lack of cross-browser support, as some children were not tall enough to view several displays.

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Bonds did point out some positive elements, however. "At least there are no pop-ups, though I wish there was a way to turn off that annoying voice that keeps telling us about everything," he said, referring to Becky Davis, a college student who got a summer job as a tour guide at the memorial.

Overall, Bonds said, the historical site is lame but he's seen worse. "They could make it a lot better by adding more animation and maybe some DHTML. I want to be dazzled and have tons of stuff to do when I go to a site," he finished. "This ain't no; I can do anything there."

This article appears courtesy of the fine folks at The Daily Bull.

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