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Monday, January 31 12:00 AM ET

Demon Spawn From Hell Sign Exclusive Agreement with Id Software

By Brian Briggs

Santa Monica, CA - Following EA's exclusive deal with the NFL, Yorglock, President of United Demon Workers, and Carl Sanchez, CEO of Id Software, announced the two had signed an exclusive arrangement for featuring demons from Hell in video games.

Demon Press ConferenceThe deal prevents other companies from using "demons or likenesses of demons from Hell in any computer, console or other video game," but does not cover demons from other locations, like alternate universes or Cleveland.

The agreement pleased rank-and-file members who spend most of their time strafed by chain guns and rocket launchers.

"This guarantees work for me and my spawn in future Id releases, and ensures a quality death," said Elsnor the Tormentor. "Nothing upsets a demon more than some crappy rendering and choppy head explosions."

Yorglock cited popular games like Half-Life 2, which featured aliens from another world, as the main reason for striking the deal. "More and more, game companies are finding cheap alien monsters to do the work that demons from Hell have been doing. We may be more expensive than aliens or zombies, but we give the gamer a better experience and that makes us worth it," said Yorglick.

"If you had a choice of blowing up some random alien monster or a demon spawned from Hell, I think most true gamers would choose the latter. If not, let us know who they are and we'll pay them a visit," roared Yorglock.

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Excruciate Software, a competing game producer, said the deal would prevent it from releasing Demon Hell Spawn 3, which it has renamed Alien Zombie Babies. Excruciate CEO, Jordan Hampton said, "We're happy to be working with the alien zombie babies. Sure, we're disappointed we can't have demons from Hell, but people just want to blow up monsters and don't care where they're from."

Gamer Tevin Golman echoed this sentiment, "I don't care where monsters come from, I just like blowing them up."

Id denied reports that deal included a clause which would also shift some programming jobs to demon workers.

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