Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Mental Floss
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Thursday, February 1 12:00 AM ET

SRII Stymied in the Search for
Intelligence at the RIAA


Berkeley, Ca - After ten years of futile searching, researchers at the Search for Recording Industry Intelligence (SRII) have given up hope of finding any semblance of intelligence in the RIAA.  Researchers initially hoped to find fully formed and coherent ideas emitted by the RIAA, but as time passed the early optimism slowly faded. 

“Right now, we would be happy to just get some steady, consistent signal from them,” said Christopher Bennett, head of SRII at the University of California at Berkeley.

After the success of the Spice Girls, it was clear that the search for intelligence in the recording industry would be long and difficult, but their inability to adapt to modern technology has left SRII in despair. 

“We thought we had found at least an indirect hint that the RIAA had developed rudimentary, if flawed, intelligence when iTunes started.  It turned out that they were just orienting themselves toward the nearest source of money, like plants following the sun.”

After getting high and watching a rerun of 2001: A Space Odyssey, several members of the SRII tried to jumpstart the development of several key RIAA members.  They began by showing the executives images of simple things, like fire.  The captives’ only response was to smear poorly drafted lawsuits on the wall using their own dung.  “I don’t know why they did that,” said Bennet.  “We made sure they had plenty of paper and pens.” 

Hopes were finally dashed when RIAA executives insisted on installing “crippleware” on MP3 players.  “Which would you rather do? Pay for something broken or steal something that works?” asked SRII psychologist and serial music downloader, Jamie Whiteside.  “This is clear evidence there is no higher cognitive function at work anywhere in the RIAA.”

Related News

RIAA Makes Big Donation to SETI Project; Hopes to Sue Aliens

Typo Prompts RIAA to Prosecute Fire Sharers

MPAA Lobbying for Home Theater Regulations

The RIAA issued a lengthy statement in response the news defending their lack of intelligence, but threatened to sue anyone who published it.

SRII is a research project which uses giant radio antennas to monitor the airwaves and spare processing cycles from Internet users MP3 players to search for signs of intelligence at the RIAA.

More Tech News

Recommend this Story to a Friend
Printer-Friendly Version

Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Amazon Find the BBook


  Politics Contact FAQs

Copyright 1999-2008 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a satire news and comedy source and meant to be funny. If you are easily offended, gullible or don't have a sense of humor we suggest you go elsewhere.