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Monday, October 19 12:00 AM ET

Humanity Threatened by Patent on Biological Reproduction

By Brian Briggs follow me on Twitter.


Cambridge, MA – Having sex just got more expensive.  Dynapork Corporation of Cambridge has been granted a patent on the process of "biological reproduction," and plans to charge licensing fees for any human wishing to engage in a "sexual act that may result in reproduction."

As no birth control methods are 100% effective this means even sex with condoms, birth control pills or IUDs are covered by the patent. People with verified sterilization will not be affected by the patent.

Dynapork promised that the fee would be small, so that people can "engage in sex without worrying about going broke."

Tom Osborne, President of Dynapork, said, "People will be able to purchase a weekly, monthly or yearly blanket license.  Costs will range from $10 for a daily license to $100 for a yearly license. We'll also offer a $5 single-encounter license for people that don't get it that often."

Even with the low fees Dynapork should profit handsomely from the licenses as it's estimated that millions of humans engage in sex every day.  Dynapork also produces medical equipment used in vasectomies, tubal ligations and artificial inseminations.

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"It's a win-win situation for our company," said Osborne. "If you want to have sex you pay us a license fee.  If you want to avoid the license fee, we profit as well."

Experts worry that with the already high cost of having sex going higher, that humanity itself might be threatened. Winton Millhouse of the Sexual Reproduction Institute said, "Having sex is expensive when you factor in the flowers, alcohol, and other items necessary for getting laid. This addition cost could push the affordability of sex out of the range of many."

Details are not clear on how Dynapork plans to enforce their patents, but a patent granted for a "penile implant for orgasm detection" may be a clue.

Dynapork's stock was up on the news.

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