Biden Introduces Citizen Verification Plan: ‘Just Pay $8/month and You’re American’

Biden Introduces Citizen Verification Plan: ‘Just Pay $8/month and You’re American’

Washington, DC – President Joe Biden has announced a new citizen verification plan that will allow anyone to become an American for just $8/month. The plan, which is based on Twitter’s wildly successful blue checkmark verification system, will allow users to become verified citizens by paying a monthly fee and receiving a red, white, and blue checkmark next to their name.

“This is a great way for people to show their love for this great country,” said Biden in a press conference. “No paperwork needed, just pay the monthly fee and you’re an American. It’s that simple!”

Non-citizen celebrities are starting to notice the red, white, and blue checkmarks showing up in their passports as they enter the country, despite not applying for the program.  

“I’m a proud Canadian, how do I get rid of this thing?” asked actor Keanu Reeves in a statement. “America is a beautiful country, but I don’t want to be a citizen.”

Biden announced that verified Americans will have access to First, Second and Fourth Amendment rights, while non-verified Americans will have to “take their chances.”

“We’re also working on higher tiers for additional rights,” said Biden. “For a small fee, users can gain access to rights such as free speech, voting, and even the right to bear arms. It’s a win-win for everyone!”

Republicans across the country are up in arms over President Joe Biden’s new citizen verification plan, which they say is an insult to real Americans.

“This is just another example of the Biden administration’s radical agenda to undermine the very fabric of our nation,” said Republican Senator Mitch McConnell in a statement. “This so-called citizen verification plan is a slap in the face to real Americans who have worked hard and followed the rules to become citizens.”

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