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Thursday,  July 3 12:01 AM EDT

Jakob Nielsen Declares the Letter "C" Unusable

By Uncle Sharky

Fremont, CA - Software usability expert Jakob Nielsen made a surprise announcement on his website this week that he will be branching out from website/software usability and now be including lingual and cultural usability into his studies.

The announcement included Nielsen's first victim in what will be a constant assessment of life and language in America.

"The letter 'C' is 95% bad," states Nielsen's latest bi-weekly newsletter which is entitled "Stop Being Stupid."

"As I sat down to re-evaluate the English language, I was struck by the letter 'C' and its basic lack of function in the language," writes Nielsen. "The sheer uselessness of a letter which just mimics the sound of not one but two different consonants is staggering. It only causes confusion and is probably costing companies millions every year."

To prove his point Nielsen conducted a study which measured which words subjects looked up in the dictionary most often.

"Our research indicates that 83% of the words being looked up are words that contain the letter 'C'." states Nielsen. "Most of this can be traced back to the lingual travesty which is the 'i before e' rule, which incidentally is one diphthong we could live without."

The implications of Nielsen's first suggested change could be as far reaching as the .com extension itself.

"Obviously if we phase out the 'C' entirely everything becomes either a 'K' or an 'S', therefore the .com web extension will become the .kom extension. Simple really."

Nielsen goes on to address the "CH" issue, "Once we deprecate 'X' to no longer include the 'Z' sound property, it will be a prime candidate to take the 'C' place in the 'CH' sound. The learnability for 'XH' might be a little high, but our studies show that its memorability factor more than makes up for the inconvenience of having a trouble maker like 'C' in the mix."

Some experts have theorized that because of Nielsen's loyal following of web developers, that the Internet may be the first place the new alphabetical changes will be seen. Others discount this theory by pointing out that no one really follows any of Nielsen's rules anyway, so "...why would they start now?" Others suggest that the idea would first have to be adopted by the Internet's standardization body, the W3C, which may be unwilling to become the W3K until the idea is adopted elsewhere.

Reached at his office today to discuss future studies of lingual and cultural usability Nielsen, who admittedly "hasn't slept much" since beginning his new studies, rattled off a few ideas that may turn up in future newsletters.

"Snacks...I could do snacks, they seem pretty silly. Why would you buy cookies and cakes when apples grow right on trees, they are a perfectly usable product, rinse and eat. But wait, the lifecycle of the apple is extremely short thus causing the expensive and time

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consuming replacement of the unused apples. Maybe Twinkies are the perfect snack...No, no, no, they obscure the whole point of the snack, the cream filling, making the user guess. Unless the purpose of the snack is the surprise, or obscurement, itself, then it's perfect. Except for the fat...."

Nielsen then put the phone down and could be heard in the background rambling on about such items as baseball mits and the 'PH' sound.

This article originally appeared at US Press

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