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Wednesday, November 12 12:01 AM EST

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.


After the past few weeks of Believers, I think it's becoming clearer why you get so many Nigerian scammer spams in your Inbox...

Sent: Friday, November 07, 2003 1:30 AM
Subject: How do I contact him?

In reference to Esenam Ayele

I'd be happy to recieve a few million to start my own business and buy a home and land. So how do I contact Esenam Ayele,I'd be glad to have him share his millions with me.


Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2003 9:49 AM
Subject: millions to give away

Hello: My name is xxxxxx. While researching the Internet I came across This Article about a Nigerian Man giving Away Millions. I am Saying, Is This True, and If so How Can I contact This Gentleman. My Reason for Contacting Philanthropy Companies or Individuals soThat I Can Start to a Community Center in a under privileged neighborhood here in Detroit MI. Please let me know how I can contact this gentleman so I can help him forfill his dream by sharing his wealth with the world. Thank you very much Mr. Briggs and I hope to be hearing from you very soon yours truly xxxxxx.

Keep trying and someday you will "forfill his dream"...

Now here is an example of why you shouldn't use Google for all your research needs...

From: Jason Wallwork
Sent: Wednesday, November 05, 2003 5:07 PM
Subject: NewsForge | Underclocking: what's the rush?

Looks like Joe Barr is a believer. Check the second paragraph where he quotes your article as a source for underclocking which in another example of truth being stranger than fiction actually is a fad ;-)

The easiest people to fool would have to be radio DJs. I shouldn't have to explain why...

From: Eric
Sent: Monday, November 10, 2003 9:11 AM

I'm probably not the only person sending this, but thought you might want to know. Driving in to work this morning, I was listening to DC 101 and Elliot in the Morning mentioned your article about TIVO offering fast forward. One of the cast tried telling everyone it was satire, but the rest of the crew thought it was real. Guess we have some more believers

Today's article about tagging and releasing viruses prompted a couple of complaint telephone calls from Symantec, so we just switched to McAfee. Works either way, and I'm more than willing to give them some pub...

From: Gogi
Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2003 4:35 PM
Subject: Fwd: another call from Symantec

Symantec would like you to pull the article. I told them that I would pass along the message, but that I didn't have any editorial input.

Also, you only changed the name once, its in the article multiple times.

The New BBshop

I got the new BBshop with the new apparel open for business, and just in time for your holiday shopping...

From: Brandon
Sent: Monday, November 10, 2003 10:07 PM
Subject: Saw your online store parody


I saw your latest parody was posted today as an online store. That's a pretty clever idea, although I bet you could probably really sell some of those items. I especially liked the fact you had your sister done up as little red riding hood. At least I'm guessing that was maybe your sister. That certainly wasn't your wife on account of no freaking way would any woman marry a guy that dresses up in a blonde wig on the internet. At least you had the tact to not have the pic link to a larger version of that picture. Keep up the good work!

OK, let's clear up some misconceptions in that e-mail. First, it is a real store and not a parody. Those items are all for sale. Second, that's my wife not my sister. Third, I kept the wigs a secret until after we were married.

From: Steve
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2003 10:52 AM
Subject: Lov the shirt

Just wanted to say that I just recieved the shirt that I ordered and I love it (AMD Moron). We work on too many AMD's to justify selling them. I read the BBspot daily, thought I'd help with the world domination fund :P

V.P. of Sales

OK, so this is just a testimonial on BBspot merchandise, but what better time to post it.

The Cat in the Hat

In my trailer review for The Cat in the Hat I complained about its PG rating. A reader has another take on it...

From: William
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2003 12:35 PM
Subject: The Cat In The Hat

Hey Mr. Briggs

Long-Time reader, first time emailer.

Just read the trailer review for Cat In The Hat, and noticed the question, "How could the Cat in the Hat be rated PG?". Well, I've never been a Seuss fan and in fact have always found the Cat In The Hat to be enormously disturbing. Think about the basic outline of the story.

Two young children are left unattended in their home. A stranger arrives at the home uninvited and, against the will of the children, begins to entice them into playing a number of odd games, most of which involve his 'things'. The children repeatedly state that the games in question make them feel very uncomfortable, but the stranger persists. When the return of the (neglectful) mother seems imminent, the stranger makes a hasty exit and admonishes the children not to tell anyone of their secret little games.

When I was growing up, I was taught to avoid such people. If they depict things like this in the film, it should be R-Rated. Or just banned.

Soda Pop Morality

From: George
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2003 2:18 AM
Subject: A legal alternative to water sharing

After reading "Coke Educates on Morality of Drinking Tap Water", I would like to inform BBspot readers about an alternative to water sharing. This alternative allows fluid consumers to enjoy a refreshing beverage without supporting the 'Colossus of Atlanta', and without leaving them vulnerable to potential lawsuits by the SDAA (Soft Drink Association of America).

Years ago, fluid consumers routinely enjoyed a group of beverages known as 'Juice', which is available in many varieties, more of which may be freely created by blending the original flavors. Although these beverages have become less common in recent years (most likely because of SDAA members' attempts to dominate the market), they are becoming popular again, mostly due to the creation of the 'Juice Box' about ten years ago.

Juice Box drinkers are quick to point out the advantages of their chosen beverage: it contains just as much energy-giving sugar and bacteria-fighting acid as soft drinks do, but also contains substances called 'vitamins', which they claim have some general health benefit. The SDAA counters the vitamin claim by pointing out that Juice does not contain any caffeine, with its memory-enhancement properties and... something else... about staying awake...

The SDAA also claims that Juice Boxes are more difficult to use. The user must not only open the container, but must manually mount the user interface (called the 'straw'). Juice users counter this argument by claiming that after drinking Juice for any length of time, the vitamins will increase a user's intelligence to the point where manually mounting the straw will be no problem.

The SDAA does not currently see Juice as a threat to its monopoly, but that is expected to change. Juice has recently become available in soft drink-like containers, and has actually been carbonated. As may have been expected, the latter move has led the SDAA to threaten legal action against Juice for unauthorized use of the carbonation process.

Unfortunately for the SDAA, its threats against Juice may be its undoing, as the Southern Champagne Organization group (SCO) has claimed to be the original owner of the carbonation process.

There are other alternatives. The supporters of 'Milk', for example, claim that it has even more health benefits than Juice, has a much more sophisticated user interface, and is so easy to use that small children can figure it out, but its popularity is hampered by its relative expense, and its incompatibility with most other fluids. FreeBeer is extremely popular among college students. When students leave college, however, and are forced to pay for the full version of Beer, they tend to lose interest, and become soft drink consumers.

That's all for this week!

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