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Wednesday, April 28 12:00 AM EDT

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.


The Nigerian billionaire philanthropist gets some more...

Sent: Monday, April 26, 2004 10:59 AM
To: 'To:'
Subject: Nigerian Billionaire?

My name is xxxxxx. I was curious about the story? Is the story true or false. The money he has in his posession was it obtained legally? If this man is truthful about his situation and is truly trying to help others...please tell me how I can get in contact with him. I can assure you the money will go to great causes. Thank you very much. Also, please do not publish my name, email for the world to see.

Just in case the two disclaimers on the page weren't enough, I guess.

So exactly how could Paramount release a Star Trek patch?

Sent: Monday, April 26, 2004 7:40 AM
Subject: the patch

The star trek patch is not real, is it? Sounded like a spoof to me...funny though. Although, I am curious. thanks

Those AOLers are the quick ones.

Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2004 8:04 PM
Subject: star trek SP1

I am wondering where star trek sp1 is located on paramounts website. I can not find any information on thier website about the article that you wrote on bbspot.

can you help me?

I sent him the appropriate link.

The posters over at the Shatner board weren't too sure about the Star Trek patch either.

This one was prompted by a really old story about how the RIAA wanted to ban mirrors, because they stole the soul of their artists...

Sent: Friday, April 23, 2004 10:52 PM
Subject: sorry to sound ignorant brian

I''ve been following every move the record industry has been making since they first started their "campaign." I am totally confused at this mirror thing. Whats the big deal about mirrors? What do you mean by a "soul." What could you do with a mirror at a concert?

What is a brain? What could you do with one in your head?

Future Writer

USA Runs Out Of Codenames

By Danny Aytekin

As fighting intensified in the Middle East and Afghanistan last month, it emerged that the Pentagon had run out of scary codenames for its operations.

"We had planned in detail a combined air and artillery strike on a quiet hillside full of weeds," said General Ryan H. Core, a soldier serving in Iraq, last week.

Research conducted by the War College has found that every single permutation of aggressive words has now been used up. The only permutations remaining are of words drawn from themes unrelated to successful military activity, such as the colloquialism used on the 1980s San Francisco gay scene.

"As we retired towards the lounge to think of a new name, we realised that there just wouldn’t be one, with or without the word desert in.” The general was forced to use some song lyrics by the popular singer Britney Spears.

“Hit me baby one more time,” concluded Gen. Core, after it had appeared that the interview had finished.

Officers recruited from college have long complained that many codenames chosen since the first Gulf War were passé. The name of Operation Mountain Storm, which took place recently on the border between Afghanistan and Pakistan, had already been used more than forty different times, including once by Noah.

Such reuse is now banned.

Army officials denied that simple overactivity was the reason for the crisis, citing the trend of too many operation names being allocated to too many wartime efforts.

In particular, a captain based in Basra became notorious by insisting that his men’s nightly visits to their barracks’ pit latrine be designated a military campaign, codenamed Operation Toilet Storm.

Back in Iraq, Operation Argh My Leg, My Fricking Leg was scheduled to start sometime on Tuesday.

That's all for this week!

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