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Thursday, January 27 12:00 AM ET

Ebay Admits Strange Auctions Just Corporate Marketing Technique

By Brian Briggs

San Jose, CA - A representative from Ebay admitted that most of the strange auctions that make the news were posted by a secret marketing department within the company and not by regular Ebay users.

"We feel it's an effective way to get our name in front of the consumer," said Mark Childs from Ebay's public relations department. "These silly auctions don't harm anyone. Well, except for that one baby auction we forgot to take down in time, but that's an exception."

Childs said, "We know people are getting tired of them. We suggested randomly assassinating a top executive each month to get attention instead of auctioning off the liver of a twelve-year-old, but the top brass was against that."

One Ebay user's suspicions were confirmed by the news. "I knew no real person would be auctioning off a rare 'Forbidden Orchard' Magic: The Gathering foil card," said Ebay user Samuel Moore. "That was a real auction? Oh, never mind then."

The secret marketing group inside Ebay, made up mostly of recently graduated philosophy majors, creates the auctions from a bunker under a nondescript cement block building in Omaha.

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CyrusX, who heads the group, said, "It's getting difficult making up auctions that will make the news, and creating all the positive feedback for our 'sellers' is getting rather tedious as well."

With the recent dip in the stock price, Childs admitted that soon the headline "Ebay For Sale on Ebay" might become a reality.

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