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Wednesday, March 16 12:00 AM ET

Berman Bids 'Enterprise' Fans Farewell

By Chris Jones

Hollywood, CA - In February, Paramount announced its decision to end the four-year run of its Star Trek spin-off, 'Enterprise', after consistently placing 150th in the Nielsen charts.

Executive Producer Rick Berman, who has long blamed Star Trek fans for the franchise's problems over the years, is not bitter.

"I don't like Trekkies," Berman said. "During the first two years of the show's run, our so-called fans did nothing but complain. How dare they!"

Brannon Braga, who shares co-executive producer credit with Berman, added, "It's almost like we need to spoon-feed fans the meaning of Trek. When the fourth season came around, Rick and I were so tired of wrestling with the Trek fandom subculture that we turned the show over to one of our Production Assistants, Manny Coto. Unfortunately, he gave the fans everything they asked for. Personally, I think that's a disingenuous tactic. That's not Trek. That's like, I don't know, Battlestar Galactica or, God forbid, Farscape."

When asked to comment, Manny Coto replied, "How do I put this delicately? Berman and Braga are, ah, 'special'."

Jolene Blalock, who plays T'pol, clarified. "What Manny means to say is that they're like a couple of retards in a room full of bouncy balls. Have you heard what they've planned for the series finale?"

According to rumors on fan websites, Berman and Braga scripted the series finale in which it is revealed that the entire 4-year run of the show was not real. It all took place on the holodeck of the Enterprise-D.

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"It's appalling," Blalock commented. "Originally they [Berman and Braga] wanted Scott Bakula to put on a Marilyn Monroe dress and 'leap' out at the end, but saner heads prevailed. And don't even get me started on what he wanted Linda Park to do with a bowl of Klingon khargh. It was revolting. If you've ever been to a Thai sex show then you can probably imagine what I'm talking about."

Braga, who will not continue with the Trek franchise beyond Enterprise, gave us one final sobering thought. "All I ever wanted to do was Baywatch in space. It's a shame the fans wouldn't have any of it. They're the ones who killed Trek. They did it in the Billiard Room with the Lead Pipe of Ratings."

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