Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.
Unfortunately, there weren't any BBelievers this week. I hope it's not a conspiracy among the gullible to boycott BBspot. Instead, here are some reactions to our latest Trailer Reviews for Harry Potter and Aeon Flux...
From: Steve M
Sent: Monday, November 07, 2005 9:34 PM
Subject: RE Harry Potter
Lord voldemort is Hogwarts Microsoft Compliance Officer. Here is a picture of him in a dress.
His return is dreaded because Ron is running a pirate version of Windows XP Pro 64 bit edition. The old chick dancing with Ron was Hermione. She got old because her computer was running slow (she was running Linux).
Lord voldemort Arrives to save the day. He gives ron a legal copy of XP, and lectures Hermione about the evils of communism and open source software (after she repents she becomes young again). Harry still has his drinking problem, but Voldemort gives him a napkin so it is ok.
Wow, I've been missing out on more than I thought.
Sent: Monday, November 07, 2005 10:23 AM
Subject: Harry Potter and the Man Quotient
Could you please account for your math where you computed the 3.8 Man Quotient for the Harry Potter trailer. I tried to duplicate your computations, but was one Explosion, Weapon, or Hot Babe short of being able to get your value of 3.8. And then I realized that you might have included Emma Watson as a "Hot Babe." While she is not an unattractive girl, she is currently at the ripe old age of 15 (From:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0914612/) Such an age would prevent her from being a "hot babe" legally until even after the next Harry Potter movie in 2007.
So, did I miss an explosion or a weapon, or do you need to visit www.ineedtoregisterasasexoffender.com)
Your faithful reader for many year,
I knew there would eventually be an email regarding my calculation of the Man Quotient. It is a difficult task counting explosions, weapons and women requiring painstaking research and blind-ass guesses. Do I count an explosion twice if it is the same explosion but shown from two different angles? Is an evil glare a weapon? Is Emma Watson hot? I do my best, and I think there was an extra explosion.
Sent: Friday, November 11, 2005 6:17 PM
Subject: aeon flux?
It seems, having viewed the trailer, that MTV has taken one of the most cutting edge and original cartoons ever created and turned it into standard sci-fi dystopian future-world dreck. The sex thing is about right--Aeon really was hyper-sexualized--but it seems they've even fundamentally altered the world in which the story takes place, to make it more palatable. In other words, its been dumbed down to meet audience expectations. All the originality and moral ambiguity has gone by the wayside to create a safe, blah movie.
Hollywood dumbed down a movie? If it didn't come from one of my readers, I wouldn't bbelieve it.
The Nigerian Connection
While we didn't have any BBelievers, there were a couple emails about Nigerian scammers...
Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 10:24 PM
Subject: Esenam Ayele-Hidden Meanings
All right, is there some sort of hidden significance to that name, S-N-M A-L? I've gone bad trying to find it out, and I finally concede defeat. Of course, I spent 3 hours staring at a Jackson Pollock painting trying to find the picture. What the unprintable bleep is in that name?!?
I think I got the name from one of the scam emails I was sent. Of course, I could just be making that up to hide the REAL HIDDEN MEANING!!??!!
The next message comes from a Nigerian scammer. I'll break it down for you...
From: balijewel simmons brown [firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Friday, November 11, 2005 7:05 AM
To: xxxxx at notbbspot.com
i just saw your clothing through the internet (Holy fuck! He's watching me and can see my clothes!). Would like to place an order within the canada ("the Canada?" is that what the cool kids are calling it these days?) via ups or fedex also dhl ,please inculde your website ,so that i can figureout the exactly items needed to buy (Wait a minute, you just said you saw my clothing, why do I need to include my website? If you've seen it you must know where it is, unless you just spam any address you can find) ,and my method of payment is by (stolen) credit card
Oh yeah, I'm falling for that one.
We try our best to point out all the humor on our BBloopers, but sometimes we miss one joke or another. That's why we have our astute readers...
From: Brian G
Sent: Saturday, November 12, 2005 10:14 PM
Subject: Re: Joint Project
"Google and Microsoft seldom pass..."
I wouldn't pass a $350,000 joint either.
One reader says this...
Sent: Monday, November 07, 2005 6:05 AM
I've been reading BBspot for a number of years now, and I think it's great. I would love to support the site, and I was wondering why you don't provide a paypal account that people could donate to if they choose. Even if you had it tucked away somewhere (if it's a pride thing!), I would be happy to pay a few dollars (or euros in my case) every once in a while. I don't want to buy t-shirts, and my Adblock filters out a lot of the ads (sorry!)... Is there any chance of you doing this?
Keep up the great work - if you ever come to Ireland, I'll happily buy you a pint!
Yes indeed, I have a page set up for readers who want to support the site. If money isn't your thing there are other ways to help.
That's all for this week!
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