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Monday, February 19 12:00 AM ET

Steve Jobs Challenges God to Remove DNA Restrictions

By Brian Briggs

Cuptertino, CA – On the Apple web site yesterday in an article entitled "Thoughts on Life," Steve Jobs called on God to remove the restrictions on DNA.

Jobs wrote that "God has wrapped the secrets of life in a complex code that only he has the key to. With only one entity controlling this code, people are forced to use workarounds, like marrying someone with blue eyes or upright posture. With DNA secrets revealed, we could have any kid we wanted without the hassle. Nerds wouldn't have to be left out as mates because of their poor eyesight or inept athletic ability.

Steve JobsThe article noted that "millions of perfect copies are made every year in the form of identical twins. God shouldn't be the only one allowed to play God."

Apple analysts think the call to God may have to do with Apple's next generation iLife products where it is rumored that people will be able to back up their entire life.

Frank Weiler from Bear Stearns said, "Apple recently acquired several biotechnology companies, so this move could be used to leverage those investments."

Critics warn that unlocking the secrets to DNA and allowing unregulated cloning could lead to disastrous results. Bishop Edward Waltham from the Archdiocese of Kansas City said, "Humans shouldn't mess around in God's work. A whole new era of species or superhumans who don't need Jesus might result."

This isn't Jobs' first direct appeal to God. Back in 1983 ex-Apple employees remember Jobs calling on a higher power. "Please God, let somebody buy a Lisa," was heard many times at Apple headquarters.

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"No longer will people be forced to create inferior copies through selective breeding in the hopes that they might get a future bone marrow donor. God unlock the complex code of DNA for all to enjoy," concluded Jobs in his article.

God, who hasn't been heard from in at least 2,000 years, was not available for comment.

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