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Monday, September 20 12:00 AM ET

Apple: Next-Generation iPods Will Have No User Interface, Controls

By Cody James

Cupertino, CA - Close on the heels of a recent redesign to its popular iPod line of digital music players, Apple CEO Steve Jobs confirmed today that the next-generation devices will have no interface, ports or controls of any kind.

New iPods"With each successive refresh to iPod, we've made the design simpler and cleaner," said Jobs at a rare sneak-peek press conference Thursday. "It's time to take it to the next level."

He then drew back a velvet curtain to reveal reference designs for the new devices. Onlookers gasped, then stood and applauded vigorously.

"Brilliant!" said one.

"Genius!" said another.

"Editors' Choice 2006! Why even test it?" shrieked one reporter as spittle flew from his mouth.

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When asked how users will load, navigate or listen to music on the device, Jobs replied, "Uh, wait and see," his eyes darting nervously about him. He then mumbled something about MacWorld before melting into the crowd.

In the wake of the event, Apple-related chat rooms were filled with speculation on the means by which the device works. Many think the new iPods will come pre-loaded with music you will like, recognize what you want to hear, when and at what volume, and play it via some sort of wireless neural link, possibly using Bluetooth-enabled nanomachines. One blogger believed the device is nothing more than a hard drive in a sleek plastic case and has no practical function, but was quick to add he would buy one regardless.

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