Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Mental Floss
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Thursday, March 22 12:00 AM ET

RIAA Updates Mission Statement to Reflect Priorities

By Brian Briggs

Los Angeles, CA - The RIAA has updated its mission statement from "Our mission is to foster a business and legal climate that supports and promotes our members' creative and financial vitality" to "Our mission is to maximize hatred for the music industry by using creative legal and innovative technological methods which will further destroy our member's creativity and financial vitality." The organization hopes the change will more accurately reflect their long-term goals.

Chairman and CEO of the RIAA Mitch Bainwol said, "This change allows us to focus on our goals of ridding ourselves of annoying artists and consumers completely. The Internet has made this possible. In the days before the Internet only a few artists and industry insiders hated the RIAA, now hatred for the RIAA is at an all-time high."

Bainwol explained that a committee formed three years ago has developed most of the ideas used to foment the growing hatred for the organization.

"We're proud of them. When more people hate you than the President you know you're doing something right," Bainwol said.

Innovative methods for producing more hatred from consumers and artists in the future include:

  • Suing a family in a refugee camp in Darfur, who doesn't even know what a computer is, for sharing music illegally.
  • Running a public service announcement campaign which will equate downloading music to molesting children.
  • Make charitable donations to Hitler Youth and KKK.
  • Seizing iPods from troops in Iraq and searching them for illegal music. Filing suit against violators.
Related News

RIAA Makes Big Donation to SETI Project; Hopes to Sue Aliens

RIAA Offers Lawsuit Family Packs

RIAA Wants Background Checks on CD-RW Buyers

"With strategies like this we're bound to reach our goals in five years. Maybe even sooner," said Bainwol.

The RIAA was recently voted the worst company in America in a recent online poll, narrowly beating out Halliburton. Upset by the news and the RIAAs plans, Halliburton announced plans of its own.

CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals.

"If that doesn't build the hate, then I don't know what will," said Johnson.

More Tech News - Discuss this Story

Recommend this Story to a Friend
Printer-Friendly Version

Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Amazon Find the BBook


  Politics Contact FAQs

Copyright 1999-2008 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a satire news and comedy source and meant to be funny. If you are easily offended, gullible or don't have a sense of humor we suggest you go elsewhere.