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Monday, June 11 12:00 AM ET

Bush Thinks Nuclear Option Best Solution For Global Climate Change

By William Fenstermaker and Brian Briggs

Washington D.C. - Today the Bush White House announced that they are leaning towards "going nuclear" as a solution for global climate change.  The plan involves using Nuclear Warhead Technology to cool the entire planet.

Nuclear WinterPresident Bush from the Rose Garden said, "Plans like that there Kyoto Treaty just didn't go far enough for my taste. We could spend all-day bickering about who is causing the problem and who should cut back on emissions and such. In the end, I figured the best plan of attack is to handle this just like we've been dealing with the threat of terrorism with military firepower."

Robert Ward, the Under Secretary of the US Department of Energy described the Weapons Induced Lowering Degree plan:

"Nuclear power is not the 'silver bullet' for solving global climate change problems. We do feel that going nuclear is clearly a wise option. We plan, working with other willing nations, to launch a pile of nuclear warheads into the heart of the ANWR oil fields or the desolate wastelands of Australia, thereby setting off a 'nuclear winter.' The resulting drop in temperature should easily offset the effects of Global Warming for the next 200 years."

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Ward also explained that "our Civilization IV simulations have shown results that far outweigh anything the Kyoto Treaty could accomplish. This software has been reliable for this administration in past and we have no reason to doubt it."

Critics of the plan claim that while it would theoretically solve the problem of Global Warming, they don't trust the Bush administration to safely detonate nuclear weapons.  Tom Sinclair from the Sierra Club said, "Knowing how these guys operate, they'd send the warheads into the sun and set off chain of destruction that would wipe out the planet."

A recent survey showed that 87% Americans favored the plan of releasing Paris Hilton from jail early.

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