Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without
the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing
because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of
the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just
The Nigerian philanthropist keeps taking them in. This time it
wasn't somebody with an aol.com address though...
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2003 2:17 PM
Subject: nigerian philanthropist
I read you article about Esenam
Ayele. How do I contact him?
Reader Dale has an explanation for one of last week's Believers...
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2003 9:45 AM
Subject: Re: millions to give away
With regards to Mr xxxxxx's question in last week's mailbag...
Hello: My name is xxxxxx. While researching the Internet
I came across This Article about a Nigerian Man giving Away
Millions. I am Saying, Is This True, and If so How Can I
contact This Gentleman. My Reason for Contacting Philanthropy
Companies or Individuals soThat I Can Start to a Community
Center in a under privileged neighborhood here in Detroit
MI. Please let me know how I can contact this gentleman so
I can help him forfill his dream by sharing his wealth with
the world. Thank you very much Mr. Briggs and I hope to be
hearing from you very soon yours truly
...there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for his
misunderstanding. Judging by the capitalisation in his email, it is
obvious he is a Visual Basic programmer. 'nuff said.
David didn't like what we said about Dallas
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2003 11:49 AM
Subject: Your disgusting
I've always hated the way your stupd website exploits peoples
private lives for money, but the Dallas Ramada story is a new
low even for a stupid loser waste of carbon like you. She's
a kid, for Pete's sake! If anyone needs protection from the
papparozzy like you, it's defenceless miners who can't stand
up for themselves. They don't need you in there private lives!
This crosses the line. I'm through ever reading BBSPOT again.
Have a nasty life, jerk.
This "Believer" went a bit too far, and I figured
it was just somebody trying to get into the Mailbag. And I
PS: I'm kidding, of course. I love the site, and the Dallas
story was great. If I fooled you, I want credit for making
you a believer.
PPS: The orthographical and grammatical errors are intentional.
It pained me to make them, even in the interest of parody. Keep
up the great work!
This person isn't a Believer, but I think you'll see why I put
her in this category...
Sent: Saturday, November 08, 2003 6:51 AM
Subject: limerick contest
Hi, this is Lori XXXXXXX, [Address and phone number baleted]
Here is my limerick:
There once was a boxer named Tyson
Who thought he was all that and thricesome
He boxed like one fearless
(and just ask someone earless)
But he's still just as dumb as a bison.
This is either a really late entry for this years Geek
Limerick contest or a really early one for next year.
Since, it's neither funny or geeky I think that's a distinction
without a difference.
The Cat in
I'm starting to think that Gary is pulling my leg. You may remember
diatribe against me...
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2003 7:56 PM
Subject: Cat in the Hat
NOt that I care, but you should be more carefull about making
up fake movies about Dr. Sues books. You could get sued
for making up news stories that they're making a bad movie
Not that I wouldn't write an e-mail to the owners of the copyright or anything....hahaha!!!!
I'm sure lawyers from Universal are going to be all over
Two readers wrote in
saying that the idea for spam sponges wasn't half-bad. Here's
what one of them wrote...
Sent: Sunday, November 16, 2003 10:47 PM
Subject: Nearly a good idea...
Regarding your story on the Yahoo Spam Sponges (November
16, 2003), you've very nearly got a good idea. It's definitely
a bogus assumption that spammers would continue to send the
same volume of spam but divide it among the increased list
of addresses. However, by flooding spammers with bogus email
addresses and having them respond to the spam with logical-looking
responses ("Why yes, I would LOVE to help you my Nigerian
friend"), a maxed-out spam server which functioned on
the idea of keeping "successful" addresses and ditching
unresponsive ones when it hit max load would find itself losing
real email addresses. Worth a shot.
I better quickly apply for the patent on this one.
Soda Pop Morality
Last week George
expanded on the topic of soda pop morality, and now another
reader does a little Mailbag on Mailbag beefing....
Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2003 3:04 AM
Subject: Re: Soda Pop Morality email
Umm, the "straw" isn't "mounted"; it's
a pipe, from which input (in the
juice box) passes through and is delivered to the other end of the pipe (mouth
of the user). After some processing (otherwise known as
swallowing) it is passed through another pipe (the esophagus) to the
stomach, for further processing. My apologies, but I don't see how you could "mount" the
As for FreeBeer, I heard that the Free Software Foundation
is working on " GNUcohol", a program to help all
reach the "buzz" reached after the first drink. I
haven't tried it, being a non-drinker myself.
Neo the Virus
It's been a little while since our Which OS is the matrix debate.
Here's another theory along those lines. Possible spoilers, you
have been warned...
Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2003 8:42 AM
Subject: Which Virus Software is the NEO
After reading every single "Which" OS thread AND
watching the Matrix trilogy, I have come to the conclusion
that NEO is simply virus protection software and not the saviour
of the world as people originally thought. So here is what
proves this theory:
1. Agent Smith is the 'Armageddon Virus' as he can infect
everyone without them making a choice.
2. The Oracle is like someone in the tech industry: They know Smith is a
virus, and even recognize it. But they still double-click the 'Great Pics'
attachment and get infected.
3. Even Neo was fooled by the variant (smith.b) in the real
world. It wasn't until he had his eyes burned out (turning
on heuristics scanning) that he was able to defeat smith.b
4. In the real world, everyone was fooled but hesitant by
smith.b as happens with a lot of variants.
5. Neo tried so hard to fight Smith to defeat him, just as virus software
tries to fight the virus. But, Neo had to become one with Smith to destroy
him. Interesting outcome.
I am sure people will have more to add. Great site AND great
-Smith (Long time reader first time writer)
That's all for this week!
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