Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Mental Floss
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Monday, May 24 12:00 AM EDT

Microsoft Requires Back Up
Copy of Each Employee

By Patrick Walsh

Seattle, WA - Microsoft announced they will increase productivity by requiring all employees to grow an extra hand and arm. Should the program succeed, Microsoft would require all employees to produce a clone. This clone would aid in normal duties, but would also fill in during sick days and other emergencies.

"The loss of key personnel through illness or death can pose a serious financial hazard to companies," said Vice president of Human-Clone Relations, Carrie Hannigan. "Once our insurance companies learned we had the technology, they insisted on back ups of all senior staff."

"We think an extra arm and a back up copy of our employees could more than double productivity," continued Hannigan, "and reduce the need for almost half of our work force. We also thought we could use this technology to improve our products as well."

Productivity research scientist, Thomas Yang explained, “Years ago we made the moves to support increased productivity in our Office Suite, but businesses reported that upgrading made no difference to them."

"We decided that ordinary users were unable to take full advantage of current hardware and software, because of the physical inability of users to input data fast enough," continued Yang.

Related News

AMD Starts Rating Chips in Giggaherts(tm)

Dead Hard Drive Kept, Just in Case

Hard Drive Sick of All This Crap

At that point, Microsoft unveiled the "Three Hands" initiative, which included a company-wide program of retroviral gene therapy, with the objective of encouraging their workforce to grow extra hands.

Once "fully tested" internally through a system known as "dog-fooding," Microsoft will ship the retroviral gene therapy products to their customers as a free upgrade to our latest Office Suite.

A program requiring a third ear on every employee was discontinued, because it was just "too creepy."

More Tech News

Recommend this Story to a Friend

Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Amazon Find the BBook


  Politics Contact FAQs

Copyright 1999-2023 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a tech satire news and geek humor source, and meant to be funny.
If you are easily offended, gullible, or don't have a sense of humor, we suggest you go elsewhere. Those without the geek gene activated should also avoid this site.