Washington DC – Congress approved funding for NASA to build giant space mirrors that will be used to extend daylight by up to six hours a day in the United States.
The project is expected to cost taxpayers close to 216 billion dollars and take twenty years to build. Increased productivity and other benefits will more than compensate for the initial investment. Health care savings from reducing the "winter blahs" will alone pay for half of the project.
"A standardized day will revolutionize worker productivity and safety," said NASA engineer Christian Betterton. "The 'sun' will rise and 'set' at the same time each day all across the country. This will even remove the need for time zones!"
Some scientists fear the increased daylight hours could have devastating effects on the environment. Julio Stelter from the Daylight Institute said, "Daylight savings time already causes huge problems for wildlife, and this would only add to their confusion. We're also worried about the effects of an extended day on global warming."
NASA engineers assured environmentalists that the giant space mirror would only hasten the unavoidable destruction of the planet at the hands of man by a few thousand years, so there wasn't "that much to worry about."
An amendment added to the law would allow NASA to make 24-hour daylight in the event of a national emergency like a war or a primetime sporting event.
Indiana opted out of the plan and will instead be subjected to total darkness for eleven months out of the year.
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