Overclocked Jesus Performs Miracles Faster
Chicago, IL - A group of bored students in Chicago overclocked Jesus so that he now performs miracles nearly twice as fast as before. Goran Radovich and Trey Gafney managed…
Gates Says Linux Best OS Ever
At a hastily convened press conference Bill Gates announced that he personally thinks that "Linux is the best OS ever." He added, "Mundie and Ballmer are idiots. Their talk about how open source…
Test Shows 99.99% of High School Seniors Can’t Read Perl
San Francisco, CA - Recent results from the standardized Perl Fluency Test showed that 99.99% of US high school seniors can't read Perl. This disturbing statistic shows that American students are painfully…
Linux Developer Gets Laid
Philadelphia, PA - In news that is sure to excite the Linux community, long time Linux developer Todd Stanton got laid. "I still have trouble believing it myself," said Todd. I was doing…
Hour Lost Explaining Computer Terms to Mom
Austin, TX - Josh Granger lost an hour of his life yesterday as he tried to explain the difference between memory and hard drive space to his mother Cynthia Granger. …
Apple Unveils New Macs To Satisfy Mac “Lovers”
New York - At the MacWorld Expo today, Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, unveiled the new dMac and vMac to satisfy the needs of Mac "lovers" everywhere. "Yet again, Apple…
Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP
Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP. "A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as…
Metallica’s New Album is Napster-Proof
Los Angeles, CA - Metallica released their long awaited "Download This" CD today, and the band declared it Napster-proof. The 74 minute CD contains one 55 minute song, "Napster Begone"…
Overclocker Creates Rift in Space-Time Continuum
Santa Cruz, CA - A rift in the space-time continuum was created today when overclocker Jamie Aperman ran a 750 MHz Coppermine Pentium III at 1.6 GHz. Overclocking has long…
Linux Kernel Delayed By Microsoft’s Army of Evil Monkeys
Around the World - Linus Torvalds announced yesterday that the Linux Kernel 2.4 will be delayed. He blamed the delay on interference from Microsoft's Army of Evil Monkeys. The army…